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Writing Samples
Band 5

According to an international travel magazine, many tourists today fly straight to their holiday resort and almost never leave it. Unlike tourist in the 1960s and 70s, they return home with no experience of the local culture. Why do you think this happen? How was tourism different in the past?

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About 50-60 years ago, travellers visiting their destination would try to gain a lot of experience from the culture, and they were curious about the surroundings in their target place, but nowadays
this
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 hardly ever happens. From my point of view,
this
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 modern trend has 4 primary reasons that will be discussed in the following paragraphs. First of all, modern
people
Use synonyms
 are more hectic with their life so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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they spend lots of their lifetime working and dealing with life difficulties.
This
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 will lead them to try to make shorter travels, and they want to relax in
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 short time they have. Hotels can be considered as the second reason
which
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 have complete and modern facilities nowadays. These hotels provide tourists
more
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with more
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 options
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for that
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that
Correct word choice
what
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 they want to do in their destination so that they will not try to move
in
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to
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 different places
for doing
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to do
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 different activities (swimming and golfing
for example
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). The transportation system can be considered as the third reason.
Although
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 the modern transportation system like
airplanes
Change the spelling
aeroplanes
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 and trains are more convenient, former travelling methods like cars and buses would be a better choice for experiencing the culture.
For instance
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, in the past,
people
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 would travel by their personal car, they would stop by on their way to rest and eat some meals,
this
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 would lead them to communicate with
people
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 on the way, but nowadays many
people
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 just sit on a plane and fly to their landing place without much communication.
Lastly
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, tourists might suffer from being rubbed or ripped off by indigenous
people
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.
This
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 will lead
the
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to the
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 idea
that is
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 possibly better and safer to stay in the resorts only. In conclusion, a modern lifestyle which is
more busy
Replace the words
busier
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 in comparison with older methods of living, and the advance of technology and facilities in tourism, and
also
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 safety are the main reasons for nowadays tourists wanting to stay in their landing place without communicating with locals and experiencing the culture.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples and details to support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Develop a clearer logical flow between your ideas, ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a greater variety of vocabulary to express your ideas and avoid repetition.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines the main points that will be discussed in the essay, setting a strong foundation for your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The use of paragraphs to separate different ideas is effective and helps with overall organization.
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