IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

For many, shopping malls are great places to spend their leisure time and meet others. People, however, in the past mostly visited those when necessary. To what extent do you think this is a negative trend? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Today
Big
Punctuation problem
, Big
show examples
companies
Use synonyms
 are heading towards the commerce of the future
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is marketing, spending huge amounts of money on ads, creating aggressive marketing to attract consumers
today
Check wording
apply
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
. Due
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due to
Linking Words
 the great competition in the current market, many local
companies
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are breaking before
this
Linking Words
making
Punctuation problem
, making
show examples
 it impossible to compete. But local
companies
Use synonyms
 can defend or fight back by improving the
qualities
Fix the agreement mistake
quality
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 of their
product
Use synonyms
 or offering
personalized
Use the right word
personalised
show examples
 service. Local
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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 are not having enough
sells
Use the right word
sales
show examples
leading
Punctuation problem
, leading
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 them into
bankrupt
Replace the word
bankruptcy
show examples
. One of the main problems caused by the extensive marketing and advertising of these businesses is a threat to the existence of small businesses. Another problem is
Linking Words
due
Correct word choice
that due
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 to excess money, large
companies
Use synonyms
 can buy several local stores and
monopolize
Use the right word
monopolise
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 the
product
Use synonyms
 in one area or country.
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
, Amazon bought Whole Foods
since
Change preposition
because
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 thought
this
Linking Words
 was a threat, so Amazon can
monopolize
Use the right word
monopolise
show examples
 the market. Whole Foods currently only sells Amazon products. Another problem is that
people
Use synonyms
 are buying products from huge industries.
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
, local artisans who lose their way of life, as
people
Use synonyms
 today prefer to buy things from factories that look more aesthetically attractive. If the national population loses its way of life, over time
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 purchasing power of the community will decline. There are ways
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to attract
people
Use synonyms
 to buy local
brands
Use synonyms
.
First,
Linking Words
the government should allocate sufficient funds to encourage local
brands
Use synonyms
 in the form of
subsidized
Use the right word
subsidised
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 loans, free rental locations, and daily monitoring.
Second,
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 must play their part to make sure they try
crazy
Change preposition
out crazy
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brands
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
,
instead
Linking Words
 of buying the
product
Use synonyms
 from a large company, they should try local products and review them on Google.
Third,
Linking Words
it would
be improving
Wrong verb form
improve
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 the quality of your
product
Use synonyms
, putting it at the same level as major
brands
Use synonyms
 and giving more
personalized
Use the right word
personalised
show examples
 plans to consumers. In conclusion, I think that what we can prevent small
companies
Use synonyms
 from going bankrupt
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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us
Change preposition
for us
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 citizens
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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since
Change preposition
apply
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we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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should consume our national
product
Use synonyms
 before abroad.
In addition
Linking Words
, I think that it is very important to have small businesses since
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
generates
Correct subject-verb agreement
generate
show examples
 many jobs
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 a great
example
Use synonyms
 of
this
Linking Words
 is the United States, where 85 million
people
Use synonyms
live from
Verb problem
are employed by
show examples
 local
companies
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, large industries will always have advantages and give us a difficult fight, but at the same
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 it is a good thing.
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
, if I am competing with a large globally recognized brand in order to compete, I need to improve the quality of my
product
Use synonyms
 and invest in marketing and ads.

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content
Be clear on your view from the start and stick to it. Do not give a mixed or changing view in the body.
structure
Make the essay in four lines of idea: one for intro, two or three body parts, and one short end. Each part should have one main idea and a link to the next.
language
Use simple, short sentences and join them with link words like and, but, so, also. Check the use of commas and run on sentences.
vocabulary
Choose the right word. Some phrases are odd. Use easy, common words to save meaning.
content
The essay shows a real view on how big firms may push out small ones.
content
It gives examples like Amazon and Whole Foods to show the point.
structure
There are ideas on how to help local shops, such as loans and better service.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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