Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. As many as two thirds of the children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#childhood #obesity #australia #two #thirds #children #schools #responsibility #students #amount #exercise

Obesity is becoming a problematic issue in young gene

ration especially in

Accept comma addition

generation, especially

Australia, where% of the young generation are obese. In believe of some

school

should take charge of it by recording children’s eating habits and their physical acti

veness.

Suggestion

activity

This

essay discusses why I completely agree with

this

phrase because

school

’s

life

is a major part of child’s

life

Accept space

he main reason why Australian schools should monitor what children eat and exercise is because students spend almost of their valuable time of

life

school

. Children not only stay in

school

at their breakfast and lunch time

whereas eat

Accept comma addition

time, whereas

jun

Suggestion

eating

food

from cafes and canteens available there. A recent study states that

school

children eat 80% of their daily

food

requirements during

school

hours. It is

also

mentioned that kids intake about two

third

part of their

food

within 8 hours after wakeup.

Therefore

, parents will have the knowledge of what all should they do, if

scho

ol’s record abo

Suggestion

the school’s record

ut kids eating and physical activity details. It is definitely

scho

ol’s responsibility to

Suggestion

the school’s responsibility

maintain a record that how much a child eats in proportionate to it, has he played enough sports? The seco

ndary but

Accept comma addition

secondary, but

also

very

essential reason why

Suggestion

a very essential reason

school

should meddle with student’s diet and exercise is because it can have positive psychological impacts on the students themselves. Since, teachers are the role models for kids ,if

Accept space

hey teach children about the pros and cons; advantages and disadvantages of eating unhealthy

food

in addition

of healthy eating habits ,ch

Accept space

dren will change their way of looking

food

only in terms of eating and taste. An experiment was done in a secondary

school

at Texas by initiating these talks in their daily routine for 10 minutes and discussing what all each kid eats in a day ,in

Accept space

rder to that, they

also

changed menu of café by prov

ided hea

Suggestion

providing

lthy

food

this

not only transformed the way of eating of children , b

Accept space

also

while the experiment children forced their parents to eat and cook healthy which lead 70% weight loss of overweight kids. Certainly, it is good idea.

This

essay discussed why schools should be a part in prev

ention of

Suggestion

the prevention

this

preventable disease because students spend half of the time at

school

for about 11 years and it may affect children to adap

t hea

choose and follow; as of theories, ideas, policies, strategies or plans

adopt

lthy

life

. In my opinion, I completely agree with the proposition that childhood obesity is resp

onsibility of

Suggestion

the responsibility

scho

ol.

Suggestion

the school

schools

Submitted by setia.mehak on Tue May 19 2020

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Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

397 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. As many as two thirds of the children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

More developing countries are being given aid by international organizations to help them in their development plans. Some people argue that financial aid is important but others suggest that practical aid and advice are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people advocate death penalty for those who committed violent crimes. Others say that capital punishment is unacceptable in contemporary society. Describe advantages and disadvantages of death penalty.

The process gives information about how carbonated water is made.

Learning English at school is often seen as more important than learning local language. If these are not taught many are at risk of dying out. In your opinion, is it important for everyone to learn English? Should we try to ensure the survival of local languages and, if so, how?

The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities is by reducing the need for people to travel from home to work , shopping and education.To what extent do you agree or disagree?Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge

More developing countries are being given aid by international organizations to help them in their development plans. Some people argue that financial aid is important but others suggest that practical aid and advice are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.