Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. As many as two thirds of the children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#childhood #obesity #australia #two #thirds #children #schools #responsibility #students #amount #exercise

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Obesity is becoming a problematic issue in young gene

ration especially in

Accept comma addition

generation, especially

Australia, where% of the young generation are obese. In believe of some

school

Use synonyms

should take charge of it by recording children’s eating habits and their physical acti

veness.

Suggestion

activity

This

Linking Words

essay discusses why I completely agree with

this

Linking Words

phrase because

school

Use synonyms

’s

life

Use synonyms

is a major part of child’s

life

Use synonyms

Accept space

he main reason why Australian schools should monitor what children eat and exercise is because students spend almost of their valuable time of

life

Use synonyms

school

Use synonyms

. Children not only stay in

school

Use synonyms

at their breakfast and lunch time

whereas eat

Accept comma addition

time, whereas

jun

Suggestion

eating

food

Use synonyms

from cafes and canteens available there. A recent study states that

school

Use synonyms

children eat 80% of their daily

food

Use synonyms

requirements during

school

Use synonyms

hours. It is

also

Linking Words

mentioned that kids intake about two

third

Linking Words

part of their

food

Use synonyms

within 8 hours after wakeup.

Therefore

Linking Words

, parents will have the knowledge of what all should they do, if

scho

Use synonyms

ol’s record abo

Suggestion

the school’s record

ut kids eating and physical activity details. It is definitely

scho

Use synonyms

ol’s responsibility to

Suggestion

the school’s responsibility

maintain a record that how much a child eats in proportionate to it, has he played enough sports? The seco

ndary but

Accept comma addition

secondary, but

also

Linking Words

very

essential reason why

Suggestion

a very essential reason

school

Use synonyms

should meddle with student’s diet and exercise is because it can have positive psychological impacts on the students themselves. Since, teachers are the role models for kids ,if

Accept space

hey teach children about the pros and cons; advantages and disadvantages of eating unhealthy

food

Use synonyms

in addition

Linking Words

of healthy eating habits ,ch

Accept space

dren will change their way of looking

food

Use synonyms

only in terms of eating and taste. An experiment was done in a secondary

school

Use synonyms

at Texas by initiating these talks in their daily routine for 10 minutes and discussing what all each kid eats in a day ,in

Accept space

rder to that, they

also

Linking Words

changed menu of café by prov

ided hea

Suggestion

providing

lthy

food

Use synonyms

this

Linking Words

not only transformed the way of eating of children , b

Accept space

also

Linking Words

while the experiment children forced their parents to eat and cook healthy which lead 70% weight loss of overweight kids. Certainly, it is good idea.

This

Linking Words

essay discussed why schools should be a part in prev

ention of

Suggestion

the prevention

this

Linking Words

preventable disease because students spend half of the time at

school

Use synonyms

for about 11 years and it may affect children to adap

t hea

choose and follow; as of theories, ideas, policies, strategies or plans

adopt

lthy

life

Use synonyms

. In my opinion, I completely agree with the proposition that childhood obesity is resp

onsibility of

Suggestion

the responsibility

scho

Use synonyms

ol.

Suggestion

the school

schools

Submitted by setia.mehak on Tue May 19 2020

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

397 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
In some countries today, people are having their first child when they are older. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
In this modern world, in some nations, humans are expected to have their first offspring late, when they are older. Many people indicate that it is because they want to be completely sure that their son is financially secure, others comment that it is due to their career that future parents are willing to delay the birth of their child.
8
band
In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new fast trains between cities. others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In recent years, there has been a noticeable increase in the number of individuals discussing the creation of high-speed rail networks and their effects on various aspects of daily life. Some argue that developing fast train systems will transform transportation and boost economic activity, while critics strongly oppose this view and contend that it can lead to excessive costs and possible inefficiency. In this essay, it will be argued that a balance between modernizing existing public transport and building new railways is crucial for optimal regional and urban development.
7
band
The Internet is a great course of information and has opened up opportunities for people to learn all over the world. Is all information reliable on the internet? What could be done to control information online?
The advancement of the internet brings new knowledge to humanity, which gives chance for people to learn all over the world.
7.5
band
Some people think young people should be free to choose his or her job, but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Certain individuals assert that adolescents ought to decide on the occupations that they desire, while others contend that they ought to be more pragmatic and consider more about their coming times. In my opinion, young people should pursue their dream job to reach their personal happiness.
5
band
Some people think that foreign films and programmes have a negative impact on local culture. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people express their opinion that international cinemas and TV shows bring out an adverse effect on the local culture. I vehemently diagree with this opinion because I believe that they promote creative inspiration and social and political awareness.

Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. As many as two thirds of the children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Fully explain your ideas

In some countries today, people are having their first child when they are older. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new fast trains between cities. others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The Internet is a great course of information and has opened up opportunities for people to learn all over the world. Is all information reliable on the internet? What could be done to control information online?

Some people think young people should be free to choose his or her job, but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that foreign films and programmes have a negative impact on local culture. To what extent do you agree or disagree?