Why do we need to prevent the extinction of some animals like dinosaurs and dodos if it is caused by natural processes? What is your opinion about this?
With the help of palaeontologists, all around the globe, these past few centuries, we have made incredible discoveries about creatures that existed before us. But a trend of natural mass extinctions has been recorded. Nowadays we have the technology in order to avert these, but what will
this
offer to our planet? In my opinion, there are multiple drawbacks if we do not try and prevent these situations and in this
essay
I will explain why.
Add a comma
essay,
Firstly
, our planet consists of hundreds of thousand
Fix the agreement mistake
thousands
different
species, which all play a vital role in sustaining our ecosystemsChange preposition
of different
alive
. By preventing their extinction, we prolong our biosphere’s lifespan and make it more stable. To illustrate, a study carried out by the Global Animal Care Service, showed that with averting one extinction, we give our ecosystem 2 more years of life. Correct word choice
apply
Finally
, we make sure that our globe’s diversity does not get debased.
Also
, the value of our biosphere’s diversity is essential for our well being
. To explain, by sustaining all the different species, we give ourselves a wider range of animals to consume, which in the long run, equals Add a hyphen
well-being
to
a larger variety of nutrients in our diet.Change preposition
apply
For example
, Joe Bauer, a famous nutritionist, illustrated in a Ted-x show, in 2009, that people living in ecosystems with a larger variety of animals have a 20% richer diet than others. Lastly
, this
variety in species,
is a magnificent phenomenon on planet Remove the comma
apply
earth
, that possibly only Capitalize word
Earth
exist
here, so we must protect it giving our descendants the opportunity to experience Correct subject-verb agreement
exists
this
in the future.
In conclusion, we have to protect all living creatures on
our world. It’s my firm belief that governments should support organizations that Change preposition
in
everyday
are trying to prevent these disastrous developments.Replace the word
every day
Submitted by yiannisperros99 on
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task response
The essay adequately addresses the task and presents clear and comprehensive ideas. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more impactful.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is well-maintained with a clear progression of ideas. However, the introduction and conclusion could be improved to better frame the essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite