In some countries, children under 16 are not allowed to leave school by law and get full time work. Is this a good or bad thing?

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Most of the nation gives priority to the schooling of the youngsters,
therefore
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, they prohibit the habit of the young populace to leave the educational institutions for the sake
to attain
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of attaining
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full-hour
job
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jobs
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, which may lead them towards adverse consequences.
Thus
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, I am in
the
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apply
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favour of
this
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move and
would
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will
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reveal my opinions in the following paragraphs
along with
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the conclusion.
Firstly
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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preliminary schooling is
the
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a
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crucial factor to consider, as
this
Linking Words
is an excellent remedy for the mental growth of
the
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apply
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adolescents.
For example
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, these are the primary educational institutions, which play a significant role
to mend
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in mending
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the future of the youth, because
the
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apply
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young people learn plenty of
soft-skills
Correct your spelling
soft skills
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along with
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the
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their
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study
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studies
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. These
soft-skills
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soft skills
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comprise good etiquette,
communication-skills
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communication skills
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, confidence, handing themselves in adverse conditions,
obedient
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obedience
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,
good-habits
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good habits
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,
leaderships-skills
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leadership skills
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, coordination, teamwork, et Cetra.
Therefore
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,
this
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is an adequate notion to prevent
the
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apply
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youngsters
to avoid
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from avoiding
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primary study to obtain
full-hours
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full-time
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employment.
Secondly
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, it is a common saying that health is better than wealth.
Thus
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, preliminary education institutes offer
the
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apply
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healthy youth to the nations, as the teaching centres not only mend the future of the youngsters
,
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apply
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but
also
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contribute
in
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to
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their physical development.
For example
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, almost in every teaching centre, there is an opportunity to
take
Verb problem
apply
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participation
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participate
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in distinct indoor and outdoor sports and the excellent performance of the students in
such
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games fosters them to play at zonal, college, city, state, national and international
level
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levels
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. Saina Nehwal is a perfect example,
who
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they
she
he
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started her badminton career at the school level and now she is an international player
Linking Words
along with
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apply
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keeping herself fit and fine physically.
Consequently
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, it is not an expedient thought to allow
the
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apply
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teenagers to avoid education, in order to attain a job for full-hours. In the end, it is apparent from the above paragraphs that strongly support the notion of attending all the classes or lectures at the educational centres by eliminating the job time legally, as these spots are essential for their physical and mental progress, in order to make them good citizen and contribute to the economic growth of the domestic.
Submitted by jatinderpanaich328 on

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task response
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. The points made in the essay need to be more focused and supported with relevant examples. The structure of the essay is not logical, leading to incoherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay needs a clearer and more organized structure. The ideas are not well connected, and the essay lacks a coherent flow of information. Transition words and cohesive devices should be used to improve the cohesion and coherence of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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