In some countries, children under 16 are not allowed to leave school by law and get full time work. Is this a good or bad thing?

#countries #children #school #law #time #work

Most of the nation gives priority to the schooling of the youngsters,

therefore

, they prohibit the habit of the young populace to leave the educational institutions for the sake

to attain

Change preposition

of attaining

show examples

full-hour

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

, which may lead them towards adverse consequences.

Thus

, I am in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

favour of

this

move and

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

reveal my opinions in the following paragraphs

along with

the conclusion.

Firstly

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

preliminary schooling is

the

Correct article usage

show examples

crucial factor to consider, as

this

is an excellent remedy for the mental growth of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

adolescents.

For example

, these are the primary educational institutions, which play a significant role

to mend

Change preposition

in mending

show examples

the future of the youth, because

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

young people learn plenty of

soft-skills

Correct your spelling

soft skills

show examples

along with

the

Change the word

their

show examples

study

Fix the agreement mistake

studies

show examples

. These

soft-skills

Correct your spelling

soft skills

show examples

comprise good etiquette,

communication-skills

Correct your spelling

communication skills

show examples

, confidence, handing themselves in adverse conditions,

obedient

Replace the word

obedience

show examples

good-habits

Correct your spelling

good habits

show examples

leaderships-skills

Correct your spelling

leadership skills

show examples

, coordination, teamwork, et Cetra.

Therefore

this

is an adequate notion to prevent

the

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apply

show examples

youngsters

to avoid

Change preposition

from avoiding

show examples

primary study to obtain

full-hours

Correct your spelling

full-time

show examples

employment.

Secondly

, it is a common saying that health is better than wealth.

Thus

, preliminary education institutes offer

the

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apply

show examples

healthy youth to the nations, as the teaching centres not only mend the future of the youngsters

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

contribute

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show examples

their physical development.

For example

, almost in every teaching centre, there is an opportunity to

take

Verb problem

apply

show examples

participation

Replace the word

participate

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in distinct indoor and outdoor sports and the excellent performance of the students in

such

games fosters them to play at zonal, college, city, state, national and international

level

Fix the agreement mistake

levels

show examples

. Saina Nehwal is a perfect example,

who

Correct pronoun usage

they

she

show examples

started her badminton career at the school level and now she is an international player

along with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

keeping herself fit and fine physically.

Consequently

, it is not an expedient thought to allow

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

teenagers to avoid education, in order to attain a job for full-hours. In the end, it is apparent from the above paragraphs that strongly support the notion of attending all the classes or lectures at the educational centres by eliminating the job time legally, as these spots are essential for their physical and mental progress, in order to make them good citizen and contribute to the economic growth of the domestic.

Submitted by jatinderpanaich328 on Thu May 21 2020

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task response

The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. The points made in the essay need to be more focused and supported with relevant examples. The structure of the essay is not logical, leading to incoherence.

coherence cohesion

The essay needs a clearer and more organized structure. The ideas are not well connected, and the essay lacks a coherent flow of information. Transition words and cohesive devices should be used to improve the cohesion and coherence of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

350 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In some countries, children under 16 are not allowed to leave school by law and get full time work. Is this a good or bad thing?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The Education of young people is the main priority in countries around the world. some believe that educating adults who cannot read or write is essential for society and more funding should be made available for it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is shown that many criminals have a low level of education. Some people argue that the best way to reduce crime is to educate criminals in prison to help them find jobs when they leave prison. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?

As science and technology contribute most to the development of society, science students should get more financial support from government than students in other fields (eg. business, language, etc.). To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.