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Band 5

Children have too much freedoms nowadays. Do you agree or disagree ? Why ?

#children #freedoms
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In
this
 modern world, some people reckon that children have too much
freedom
 while others tend to have
opposite opinion
Suggestion
the opposite opinion
an opposite opinion
opposite opinions
. I agree with the statement that children are given too much
freedom
 nowadays. There are three reasons to prove that children have more
freedom
 nowadays.
Firstly
, nowadays more children are participating in co-curricular activities along with their studies and excel well both in extra activities and studies.
This
 shows that parents given independence for their children to select and participate in their interested activities which made them more focused and well organized. In
future
 they can select their extra activity as their career.
Secondly
, another evidence shows that children are given
freedom
 to spend pocket money in which they may buy expensive toys, cigarette, drugs, alcohol and may induce in illegal activity at the young age. They cannot concentrate in studies due to the distraction of these activities which affect their
future
.
For example
, recent news about kidnapped by his friends in need of money to celebrate
new year
Suggestion
the new year
 and demand money from his parents later they killed the child. Now they are in juvenile prison.
Finally
, children are given
freedom
 to go alone to
friend house
Suggestion
a friend's house
friend's house
friends house
 in which they will meet
stranger
Suggestion
a stranger
strangers
 and may become
victim
Suggestion
victims
a victim
 of paedophile.
As a result
, children are psychologically affected in young
age which
Accept comma addition
age, which
 spoil their
future
.
For example
, news about girl was molested by a man who made friendship with the girl while she was going alone in the street to meet her friend. To sum up, the above explanations and example shows that children are given too much
freedom
 which affected their studies. Children should be given limited
freedom
 and monitored by their parents often provide advice about the stranger and friends and not allow to send
alone
with a forward motion
along
 to the
friend
Suggestion
friend's
friends
 house or far away from the home. With the limited
freedom
 they will study well and become flying
colors
a flag that shows its nationality
colours
 in their
future
.
Submitted by muberra1854 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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