In some countries, people who commit less serious crimes are made to undertake community service* instead of a prison sentence. Some people believe that all people who have committed a crime should be sent to prison.

#countries #people #crimes #community #service* #prison #sentence #crime

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Many countries around the world have conventions for the [delete

this

Linking Words

– you are referring in general to people who have committed minor crimes] people who have committed miner [‘minor’] crimes to be sent involving [

this

Linking Words

is unclear – it could say ‘directed to do’] community services

such

Linking Words

as working in the [delete

this

Linking Words

] community houses, neighbourhood houses, cleaning and take [‘or taking’] care of public parks.

This

Linking Words

is a positive way of dealing with the miner [‘minor’] criminals in order to push them in right [‘the right’] direction. When people commit certain

cremes

(criminal law) an act punishable by law; usually considered an evil act

crimes

[‘crimes’], it's [don’t abbreviate in IELTS – write the full words (it is)] not a wise decision for them to give

prison

Use synonyms

sentence [‘a

prison

Use synonyms

sentence’] due to many negative reasons [the reasons are not negative –

this

Linking Words

could be ‘effects’ or ‘consequences’]. Even though some people do believe that these individuals should be in the [delete

this

Linking Words

]

prison

Use synonyms

, it's [don’t abbreviate in IELTS – write the full words (it is)] not possible to agree with them [

this

Linking Words

is too strong – it is possible. Change the sentence to ‘there is a strong argument against

this

Linking Words

’]. The truth [

this

Linking Words

is not a formal phrase for IELTS – better to say that ‘It is commonly accepted that’] is inside the

prison

Use synonyms

premises people [‘inmates’] can be

mixing

Suggestion

mixed

with each other for different reasons. As a scenario [

this

Linking Words

needs to be followed by a comma] even though a person do not [‘does not’ is grammatically correct, but ‘may not’ would be better] feel to be in a part of a certain group, due to the power, ability, physical, and other factors he has to alliance [ally] with the [delete

this

Linking Words

] others in order to survive within the

prison

Use synonyms

system.

Therefore

Linking Words

miner [‘minor’] crime victims [they aren’t crime victims, they are criminals] may start companionship with the major and high criminal profiles and it can lead to make situations

bad

Suggestion

worse

to worst.

[

Accept space

[

Linking Words

this

Suggestion

This

is too long and unclear – the writer needs to get to the point quicker and in a simpler manner] They may persuade and [‘be persuaded to’] learn advance [‘more

signficant

important in effect or meaning

significant

’] crimes or may connect with the unwanted [change to ‘undesirable’] people

in side

internal to, not outside; located in the bounds of

inside

[‘inside’ (one word)] the

prison

Use synonyms

or through them

out side

beyond the boundary of; external to

outside

[‘outside’ (one word)] as well.

Moreover

Linking Words

[

this

Linking Words

needs to be followed by a comma] within the

prison

Use synonyms

system the ability [

this

Linking Words

word is normally used for a positive attribute – better would be ‘potential’] to loos [‘loose’] self esteem and self worth can be greater

Linking Words

then

conjunction used in comparatives

than

[‘than’] his own community.

Thus

Linking Words

[‘

Although

Linking Words

’] there could be some issues and comments from the society,

still it’s

Accept comma addition

still, it’s

a grate [

this

Linking Words

should be spelled ‘great’, but would still be too informal for Task II] opportunity to remain in the society [

this

Linking Words

is repetition] and do social work with their own time.

Submitted by yuldoshev.muslim25 on Thu May 21 2020

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

2 paragraphs

475 words

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In some countries, people who commit less serious crimes are made to undertake community service* instead of a prison sentence. Some people believe that all people who have committed a crime should be sent to prison.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate on only those subjects that they find interesting.

In their advertising, business nowadays usually emphasise that their productss are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

More and more people prefer to buy readymade food from restaurants or convenience stores instead of cooking for themselves. What are the advantages and the disadvantages of this? Write at least 250 words.

Some people believe it is important to spend a lot on family celebration while others think it is a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

: It is important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend on treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?