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At present, the population of some countries include a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#population #countries #adults #people #situation
In many countries, the proportion of the younger
generation
 is increasing more and more than the older age–group. I believe there are more drawbacks to
this
 than
its
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advantages and my views regarding
this
 are discussed below.
To begin
, the growth of the young
generation
 is leading to the need for more job vacancies.
This
 situation can cause disturbance for the government and severe competition for obtaining a suitable career. In comparison, most older
people
 have stable jobs and run their own
business
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businesses
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. They are not a burden on society’s shoulders in
this
 matter and are profitable for the government.
Besides
this
, the increasing
of
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young
adults
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adult
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 population can cause the forgetting of some rituals and old beliefs in society. Youngsters normally prefer not to follow old customs.
On the other hand
, young adults are more creative and have a willingness to seek new opportunities and discover cutting-edge technologies.
This
 trait in the young
generation
 brings prosperity to countries and innovative creations to the world.
For example
, in various
societies
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societies,
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 youngsters are in charge of directing startup businesses and are able to give a great advantage to the respective nation.
Although
,
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 older
people
 have some valuable experiences and they easily adapt to the conditions of society, the role of the young
generation
 in the development of a country and reaching new horizons cannot be denied. In conclusion,
although
 younger
people
 are willing to obtain modern advancements, the experience which is there with the old
people
 cannot be matched.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Task Response
Provide a clearer position in the introduction and a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the organization of ideas and provide a stronger introduction and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Expand vocabulary range and work on using more precise and varied expressions.
Grammatical Range
Work on more complex sentence structures and grammatical accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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