IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons to your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experiences. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #people #sense #competition #children #adults #experiences
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People need a reason to work, which we call motivation.
Therefore
, some people are in
favor
promote over another
favour
 of raising their children with a sense of competition, with they regard as motivation.
On the other hand
, other people advocate the cooperation in their children, rather than competition. From my perspective, I believe that children should be taught to cooperate
instead
 of competing against other people.
First
 and foremost, cooperation brings good results. If a child
know
Suggestion
knows
 how to
cooprate
work together on a common enterprise of project
cooperate
 with her friends, she can gain the teamwork spirit, which would be useful in the future.
Moreover
,
cooprating
work together on a common enterprise of project
cooperating
 means working together and helping each other.
Therefore
, the child can learn the kindness.
As a
result in
Accept comma addition
result, in
 the future, she would be a not only kind and helpful
person but
Accept comma addition
person, but
also
 a useful employee thanks to her teamwork skills.
On the other hand
, the sense of competition only leads to consequences. People compete against each other, which raised the hatred
,
Accept space
,
 envy and
uncomfort
 in the social relationship. At the same time, competitive people can’t learn any teamwork skills because they are always busy finding ways to eliminate others.
As a result
, when they grow up, they will be alone and no matter how
effecent
being effective without wasting time or effort or expense
efficient
 they are, they can’t be promoted due to the lack of soft skills. In conclusion, children should be brought up in a
cooperatve
furnishing support or assistance
supportive
 environment in order to develop their skills together and become a better person in the future.
Submitted by minhvydhdl on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: