why do you want to go to tomujin alternative high school?

#tomujin #alternative #school

At my current

school I

Accept comma addition

school, I

just write down what does my teacher said and copy- paste the text book. When I got back from

school

all I do was those assignments and the homework they assigned.

Finally when

Accept comma addition

Finally, when

I studied all day long I went to bed. That

was

Suggestion

has been

my entire

school

routine since 7th grade. I don’t want to waste my whole high

school

year just copying and calculating. I do want to follow my passion and learn new things. And I hope Tomujin alternative high

school

will help me to become empowered and give me

Suggestion

skills

Suggestion

skill

that will be

need

Suggestion

needed

in my life.

Also

one of the

reason

Suggestion

reasons

is the environment. The students will sharpen themselves to achieve their goal, because the community will be built of 200 different individuals

whos have

Suggestion

who shave

their own

paasion

a strong feeling or emotion

passion

passions

person

and own trait. I really wish to join them and help

somebody

any person

anyone

to become stronger and happier. When I graduate I want to see

Suggestion

open-minded independent

Accept comma addition

open-minded, independent

woman who uses her knowledge to help others. And I wish her to be an alumna of tomujin

Submitted by misheelgalbadrakh2 on Sat May 23 2020

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Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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2Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

183 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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why do you want to go to tomujin alternative high school?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

living in a country where you have a speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement.

Global warming is one of the biggest threats humans are facing in the 21st century and sea level is continuing to rise at alarming rates. What are the causes and some possible solutions to global warming?

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's live. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

You recently attended a metting at a hotel. When you retured home, you found you had left some important papenrs at the hotel. ●say where you think you left the papers ●explain why they are so important ●tell the manager what you want him/her to do