IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

"Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsiblefor deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up."

#fatherhood #motherhood #idea #women #responsiblefor #babies #children
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Nowadays, the responsibility of upbringing offspring is a highly debatable issue. The opinion is divided as to whether it should be the sole right for mothers because they are the ones who endure the physical pain during pregnancy and delivery. In my opinion, raising children is a shared task between parents and I will explain the reasons here.
To begin
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 with, the fathers’
role
Use synonyms
 is not limited to the donation of
sperm but
Accept comma addition
sperm, but
also
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 vital to ensure the well-being of their children.
In other words
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, their hard work is crucial to provide the financial resources necessary for their raising
such
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 as nutrition and education expenditures.
Moreover
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, the proliferation of female workers exacerbated the need for
childminding
Suggestion
Childminding
. To illustrate, fathers could stay with their children while their wives are at work. Another major advantage for the involvement of males in
this
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 process is that they are capable of disciplining teenagers because they tend to be more strict than females.
Finally
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, Parents represent a
role
Use synonyms
 model
to
Suggestion
for
 their children and together help them to absorb the code of conduct and the conventions. Of course, those who say that mothers should have superior rights concerning the development of their children because of the natural process, are quite correct, but it is
also
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 true;
however
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, that parents
also
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 put great efforts after the birth of their children, so it should not be underestimated. In conclusion, I would want to undermine the outstanding
role
Use synonyms
 of mothers during the life of their offspring.
However
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,
males'
Suggestion
the males' role
role
Use synonyms
 is as essential as that of females as well.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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