IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Subjects like arts, music and drama are more important than other school subjects and therefore should be given more time in the calendar. Do you agree or disagree?

#subjects #arts #music #drama #school #time #calendar
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In these days, the education
system
 of our country is shifting towards
child-centred approach
Suggestion
a child - centred approach
 focused on all round development of the children. Extracurricular activities
such
 as arts,
music
 and
drama
 are essential for the holistic development of our
next
 generations. So in the era of competitiveness, I am in favour of teaching these extra activities more for pressurised youngs.
To begin
 with teaching
arts
Suggestion
the arts
, there is no doubt that art helps improve imagination skills and creative skills. Our country urgently needs creative skill workers to build a new
society
. It is necessary that our new stars must be taught the fundamental concept and spirit that loves art during their school days. If
so they
Accept comma addition
so, they
 can explore so as to better understand new ideas and concepts and try out different points of views. As they can build
better relationship
Suggestion
better relationships
a better relationship
 through constructive criticism, arts has to be taught in the school calendar to get social skills for their whole life. Another reason why I agree
this
 statement is that
music
 has great healing power and relieves students of any anxiety and stress. It smoothes the mind and helps them feel fresh. It highlights that in the age of focusing academic subjects, teaching
music
 becomes crucial for pressurized students. Fresh mind and freedom of stress can improve concentration skills in the learning process. To get the best outcome of
learning process
Suggestion
the learning process
, the most important thing is freedom of stress. No one can deny that
music
 is necessary for our youngs.
Additionally
, teaching
drama
 is becoming important role because it can help in improving the communication skills, acting skills and articulation skills along with presentation skills. To implement our new education
system
, it plays in the vital role. Our new treasures' ability of building a better relationship is very priceless for our country to create a brave
society
. Brave new
society
 is in the hands of brave new youngs.
Thus
,
drama
 has to be taught as well. All in all, our new education
system
 focuses on collaboration skills, communication skills, critical thinking and problem solving skills, creative and innovative skills and citizenship. Seeing that extra curricular activities
such
 as arts,
music
, and
drama
become
Suggestion
becomes
 crucial parts. With well-implementing
new
Suggestion
a new system
the new system
new systems
system
, let's build our new
society
.
Submitted by htethtetsandy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: