IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Government should spend more money on medical research to protect citizens' health rather than on protecting the environment. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #research #citizens #health #environment
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
I believe that public
health
Use synonyms
 and the
environment
Use synonyms
 should be looked at on a macro level. It is difficult to conclude if one issue is more important than the other when in fact they are interrelated. In my opinion, it is essential that the government has a balanced approach
in
Suggestion
to
 evaluating the budget for these two categories. Investing money in medical
research
Use synonyms
 is a direct way to improve the well-being of the community. With more funding, medical
professions
a person engaged in one of the learned professions
professionals
 will have more resources for
research
Use synonyms
 and development to increase the quality of care for the patients.
Such
Linking Words
 investments may
also
Linking Words
 bring positive breakthroughs in diagnostic processes and treatment of rare diseases.
For example
Linking Words
, vaccine is one of the most important breakthroughs in the medical field as the result of
research
Use synonyms
 and development. Since it was introduced, vaccination has saved millions of people from dangerous diseases
such
Linking Words
 as polio.
In addition
Linking Words
, increase spending on researches shows that the government cares for the well being of its citizen,
hence
Linking Words
, increases the support of the community.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
environment
Use synonyms
 has direct impacts on the
health
Use synonyms
 of the people. If the
environment
Use synonyms
 is in bad condition and is damaged by excessive pollution, more people will become ill. Investing in protecting the
environment
Use synonyms
 is a preventative action in improving public
health
Use synonyms
. With a clean water supply, clean air, and clean surroundings, fewer people will have
health
Use synonyms
 problems.
As a result
Linking Words
, it will cost less for hospitals and clinics to take care of their patients, which means they can reallocate excess money for
research
Use synonyms
 purposes. Rather than looking at
this
Linking Words
 as a zero-sum argument, I suggest that the government should have the
health
Use synonyms
 department and the environmental department working closely with each other. As mention above, these two areas are interrelated.
Therefore
Linking Words
, any unilateral action from each side may end up costing more in total while not delivering desirable results.
Submitted by chuqueanh.gil on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: