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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the chart below shows the changes in gross domestic product (GDP) in the western Cape between 2000 and 2010.

the chart below shows the changes in gross domestic product (GDP) in the western Cape between 2000 and 2010.
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The given line graph demonstrates the various percentages of Gross Domestic
product
Change the capitalization
Product
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 (
GDP
Use synonyms
) over a decade in the Western Cape.
Overall
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, there are lots of ups and downs
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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seen in
GDP
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 from 2000 to 2010. There was
the
Correct article usage
a
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 fluctuation
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
GDP
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 growth between 2000 to 2003 with
the
Correct article usage
a
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 scale
around
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of around
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 4
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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. In 2004, it
then
Linking Words
 showed a sharp increase in
GDP
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in
Change preposition
by
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 5.5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
GDP
Use synonyms
 growth was steady in
Linking Words
next
Correct article usage
the next
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 four years with slowly rose to reach
at
Correct your spelling
a
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 peak
to
Change preposition
of
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 over 6 % in 2007. Following the highest point, the
GDP
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 dropped down dramatically and touched its lowest point which was a negative figure (-1.5 %) in 2009.
Afterward
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Afterwards
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, it again suddenly jumped to 2.5% of
Use synonyms
GDP
Correct article usage
the GDP
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Linking Words
next
Correct article usage
the next
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 year.
To sum up
Linking Words
, it clearly demonstrated from the graph that
although
Linking Words
 it was a positive trend in the first few years, Western Cape
also
Linking Words
 experienced negative Gross Domestic Product (
GDP
Use synonyms
) growth.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "next".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words gdp with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 3 times.
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