IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show one government's spending on culture and education in 1995 and 2005 and the number of people participating in Arts events in the same years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show one government's spending on culture and education in 1995 and 2005 and the number of people participating in Arts events in the same years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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There are two charts shown. The first chart compares the
portion
Use synonyms
 of
cultures
Fix the agreement mistake
culture
show examples
 and education spent government in 1995 and 2005, and the
second
Linking Words
 one is about the number of participants
joined
Correct pronoun usage
who joined
show examples
 in
Arts
Use synonyms
 Events in the same years.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the first graph, there were 4 types of education and it can be clearly seen that there were significant changes in each category from 1995 to 2005. In the year 1995, music was the biggest
portion
Use synonyms
 than others and was almost
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of the total parts. The following portions were visual
arts
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
 in which
Use synonyms
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
 was
slight
Change the word
slightly
show examples
 different
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 its
portion
Use synonyms
 with visual
arts
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
 with
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 slice was literature. In 2005,
however
Linking Words
, both
Use synonyms
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
 and music had
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
Use synonyms
portion
Fix the agreement mistake
portions
show examples
, it was not more than
Linking Words
third-fourth
Correct article usage
a third-fourth
show examples
 each.
Moreover
Linking Words
, visual
arts
Use synonyms
 and literature had
similar
Add an article
the similar
a similar
show examples
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 and if both were calculated,
then
Linking Words
 the total of portions would not similar
as
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
. Turning
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
second
Linking Words
 graph, there was a dramatic rise in all types of
arts
Use synonyms
 events (except visual
arts
Use synonyms
). In fact, the highest number of people
joined
Correct pronoun usage
who joined
show examples
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
 event was music in the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 1995 and 2005, about 125,000 and 150,000 respectively. The
second
Linking Words
 biggest one was
Use synonyms
Add an article
the theater
a theater
show examples
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
 where in both years were just under 100,000. Visual
arts
Use synonyms
 and literature,
however
Linking Words
, were not over
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
50,000
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
participants. From 1995 to 2005, the total of participants decreased slightly.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, second".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words portion, arts, theater with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • expenditure
  • budget allocation
  • noticeable rise
  • sharper increase
  • upward trend
  • distribution
  • participation rates
  • government funding
  • arts events
  • financial commitment
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