IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people like to spend their leisure time with their colleagues while others prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life. Is it a good thing to spend leisure time with colleague?

It is arguable if
people
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 should spend leisure
time
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 with their
colleagues
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 or not. Some
people
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 consider it a good idea,
while
Linking Words
 others want to stay separated.
This
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 topic should be considered under different circumstances. On the one hand,
people
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 who are supportive
to
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of
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this
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 point of view may declare that spending free
time
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 with their
colleagues
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 more frequently could strengthen the
relationship
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 between them.
Therefore
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, they could understand and cooperate with each other much better, and they could stick together to tackle difficult problems at
work
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,
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apply
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 so that they could be more efficient and productive in their jobs.
This
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 phenomenon is more common among
colleagues
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 who share similar ages
,
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apply
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 because they might have more common topics and interests to share with each other. If they spend more spare
time
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 together, their families, especially children, could become good friends, which is valuable to them.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 prefer separating their personal lives from their
work
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 lives as it could mess up the
relationship
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 with their
colleagues
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.
This
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 issue usually occurs between managers and
subordinates
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. When they spend leisure
time
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 together,
subordinates
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 probably want to gain more trust and admiration from their managers, so that they might have potential opportunities to promote or increase salaries. At the same
time
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, managers might
also
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 want to provide more
chance
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chances
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 to their
subordinates
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 whom they share a closer personal
relationship
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 with,
whereas
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 those
subordinates
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 might not be the most capable employees in the company.
To conclude
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, it is understandable to spend leisure
time
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 with our
colleagues
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, but the balance between
work
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 and personal life with them should be measured appropriately.
By
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In
show examples
this
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 way,
people
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 can not only build a strong friendship with their
colleagues
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, but
also
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 not jeopardise the
work
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relationship
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 between them.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or real-life scenarios to illustrate your points more vividly. This gives your argument more depth and helps the reader to understand and relate to your views.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main thesis. While your arguments are relevant, strengthening the links between ideas may enhance overall clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and vocabulary more to improve the overall flow and engagement of your writing. This can help maintain the reader's interest throughout your essay.
content
You present a balanced view of the topic, considering both sides of the argument well. This demonstrates critical thinking and is essential in an IELTS essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • harmonious environment
  • effective collaboration
  • socializing
  • fostering
  • outlet for stress
  • blurring boundaries
  • privacy concerns
  • work-life balance
  • burnout
  • multinational companies
  • cross-cultural understanding
  • teamwork
What to do next:
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