IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think paying taxes is a big enough contribution to their society, while others think people have more responsibilities as members of society than only paying taxes. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Many
people
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 believe that paying
taxes
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 is a major contribution to
the
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apply
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society
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 or nation.
However
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, it is sometimes argued that there are more responsibilities for the
society
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 rather than paying
taxes
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both aspects and draw my personal opinion. On one hand, there are a variety of reasons why
people
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 should pay
taxes
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 to contribute to their
society
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. First of all, paying
taxes
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 can contribute
the
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to the
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 development of
country
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a country
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 and
society
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.
Since the
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The
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 public budget from the
taxes
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 is used to develop infrastructures
such
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 as constructing streets, hospitals, schools and other similar things.
Therefore
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, the tax payment is not only helping crucial aspects of a nation
,
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 but
also
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 it is a great improvement for citizen life.
Secondly
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, paying
taxes
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 brings
benefit
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benefits
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 as
people
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 get older. If being an employee working for companies or an employee of a government agency, they are entitled to social insurance from their salary.
As a result
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, when they retire, they will get a monthly pension from that social insurance premium.
On the other hand
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, in order to create a certain
contribute
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contribution
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in
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to
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 a
society
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,
people
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 need to have more other responsibilities
such
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 as compliance with the rules and laws in their country.
For example
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, in Vietnam, there are hundreds of
millions
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millions of
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 citizens, so the involvement of citizens in supporting
government initiated
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government-initiated
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 programs is essential. Protecting
environment
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the environment
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 is being considered as a primary concern of
this
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 country. By doing
this
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,
people
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 can directly and immediately work together to protect their environment like planting trees and cleaning up their surroundings,
as well as
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 protecting the public facilities which are already available. In conclusion, I believe both arguments have their merits.
However
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, I feel that being a good and responsible citizen will bring many benefits to
the
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apply
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society
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.

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task achievement
While the essay is well-structured, it can benefit from more detailed examples to support the points discussed. Try to provide more specific and varied examples to further illustrate your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that you maintain a consistent tone throughout the essay. A few sentences could be more formally phrased to align with the rest of the essay's tone.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are a bit lengthy. Breaking them into shorter, more concise sentences would enhance readability and clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction that sets the stage for the discussion, and a conclusion that effectively summarizes the writer's opinion.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported and logically structured, contributing to a well-rounded argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views of the topic thoroughly, displaying a comprehensive understanding of the prompt.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Contribution to society
  • Public services
  • Community involvement
  • Democratic participation
  • Environmental sustainability
  • Local economy
  • Cultural understanding
  • Voting rights
  • Volunteer work
  • Responsible citizenship
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