IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many agricultural lands are being converted into commercial centres. How does this affect the environment and the people’s life style? Discuss this situation and provide suggestions to address these issues. Support your answer with specific reasons and examples.

#lands #centres #affect #environment #people’s #life #style #situation #suggestions #address #support
In recent decades, we are facing many environmental issues. One of them is that a lot of
lands
Suggestion
land
 for agriculture are being transformed to commercial places. Actually, from what I experienced, the town I live in was agricultural lands. But it was converted into residential, facilities and shopping malls due to the benefit of the money value.
However to
Suggestion
However, in
However in
 my mind, I think that the drawbacks overweight the benefits in
this
 situation. So in
this
 essay, I will suggest the problems of
this
 occasion and the way to resolve them.
First
 of all, the main problem is that the job for as a farmer is declined. The spaces for
farm
Suggestion
the farm
 are changed to shopping malls so there
are
Suggestion
is
 the lake of
farm
Suggestion
the farm
.
Finally
, it makes farmers
not to work
Suggestion
don't work
 anymore. And
bigger issue
Suggestion
the bigger issue
 is that it affects their lives. Because they
can not
can not
cannot
 work no more, their revenue is decreased and it makes their life hard.
In addition
, as the fruits and foods from agriculture are
also
 depleted, we have to depend on more import. The solution to resolve
this
 is to preserve and develop
lands
Suggestion
the lands
.
Consequently
, they can get the profit and the happy life.
Secondly
, it destroys the habitats for animals. As the nature
for
Suggestion
of
 them is being converted, they lose their home.
Moreover
, it can lead to the extinction of
creatures
Suggestion
the creatures
. Actually, according to a recent study, it shows that there are many endangered animals because of
significant decline
Suggestion
a significant decline
significant declines
the significant decline
 of their settles. In my thought, it can be resolved by making parks for them or preserving the nature. To make many
parks is going
Suggestion
parks, go
parks go
 to help them not damaged. To sum up, I believe that to change the fields
for
Suggestion
of
 agriculture to commercial
centers
Suggestion
centres'
 bring many negative effects, so we have to preserve them.
Submitted by bjsean on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: