IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness, but some people believe there are other external factors that influence us. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #happiness #factors #influence
Some people believe that
happiness
 is a state of
mind
 while the idea of the other individuals is that our bliss depends on events and living conditions. Though the outside condition is important, I believe that a healthy
mind
 and view are more effective. On the one hand, our life condition is a great source of our feelings. When we are healthy and have a loving, caring family we feel happy.
For example
, if we have a bad headache we cannot even think about
happiness
. There are some external preconditions that without them satisfaction is meaningless. To achieve joy, a range of basic needs should be fulfilled
such
 as shelter, food, and community. It’s undeniable that we cannot feel good in, complete isolation and we need community. We all should experience relative welfare to be happy.
On the other hand
,
happiness
 can be a subjective view which any person should deeply think about it in person. Usually, we have basic life requirements, but we can’t be fulfilled. It’s required for any person to take control of his or her state of
mind
 to maintain mental health and peace inside. Religions and meditation are some tools for
this
 purpose. Being greedy and envious steals our joy and satisfaction.
Also
, if you promote your freedom and sense of purpose, you will feel extremely better about your life. In my opinion, if we exclude basic survival needs from external factors, our inner world is a key factor to be happy. In conclusion,
although
 our world and its events are relevant to our
happiness
, having a healthy
mind
 is much more associated with bliss.
Submitted by samiraanabavi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: