it is sometimes thought that people who travel outside of their own country are more tolerant and understanding of others. To what extent do you agree?

There is an opinion that those who go abroad are broad-minded and compassionate. I partly agree with
this
point of view;
however
, I think that the main role in a person’s attitude
plays
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is
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their upbringing.
First,
it is true that travelling and
interaction
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interacting
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with a foreign culture broaden a person’s horizon and they naturally
became
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become
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more tolerant and understanding.
Thus
, when we are getting in touch with
another culture
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other cultures
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and traditions, we are looking at ordinary things from a different angle.
As a result
, our perception of certain things can be changed. Especially, when an individual comes to the conclusion that other people may grow up in a distinct environment and may have a unique outlook on life.
For example
, I have been to India and
this
travel influenced me significantly. In fact, I even changed my attitude toward an arranged marriage.
However
, it
possible
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is possible
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to make
an
Correct article usage
the
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opposite case because there are people who are judgmental from the
begging
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beginning
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and it seems nothing is possible to change their outlook on life.
That is
the reason why I believe that parenting is more important. In my opinion, our parents and teachers should teach children that a variety of cultures
as well as
our differences are good and have the right to exist.
In addition
, some things have a variety of solutions and there is no only one way to live our lives. In conclusion, I somehow agree with the idea that travelling to foreign countries makes people more liberal and patient. On balance,
however
, I reckon that personal upbringing is even more important because if a child was born in a racist environment, they would have biased beliefs despite communication with other nationalities.
Submitted by maina.vlasova on

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be further developed to provide a stronger framework for your essay. Make sure to clearly state your position on the given topic in the introduction and summarize your main points in the conclusion.
task achievement
You have provided a well-rounded response to the topic, covering both sides of the argument. Make sure to strengthen your position by providing more specific examples and developing your arguments further. Consider expanding on the importance of upbringing and how it can shape a person's attitude towards tolerance and understanding.
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