IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The number of older people is increasing. Some people think it will cause problem to their countries, others believe this group is important to the society. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

#people #countries #group #society
In modern society, the amount of elderly people is rising, which results in concern of some people that it might be a problem in their
country
. While
this
 concern is understandable, I believe that every coin has two sides. On the one hand, aged people who are mostly retired consume relatively more resources than younger and mid-aged ones.
First
 of all, they receive pensions from their former employers or government, while they do not make any contribution to the
country
 any longer.
Additionally
, the government has to allocate more medical resources for older people as they are easier to get a sickness or disease. As the number of
this
 group keeps increasing, it is reasonable for people to feel worried about it since it is potentially aggravating the burden of the government.
On the other hand
, elderly people can
also
 play a significant role to the society with the experience they gained through their lives.
For instance
, some old people who used to be knowledgeable and skilful engineers or doctors could return to work under appropriate encouragement policies, so that they could continue serving their industries when they collect pensions.
In addition
, aged parents could spend more time looking after their children's families and they could even help their grandchildren in early education. By
this
 way, their children would save more time and energies and spend them on their works, so that they could be more efficient and contribute more to the
country
.
Moreover
, older people with more experience in their lives are valuable for the young ones to learn from the past,
therefore
 they could probably avoid the same mistakes that the old ones have ever made before. To sum up, older people may consume more resources, but they can
also
 provide positive influence to the
country
. We should never neglect the value of older people.
Submitted by 383035006 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: