IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the concerns which affect governments and businesses when they make decisions about environmental policy. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant,

The graph below shows the concerns which affect governments and businesses when they make decisions about environmental policy. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant,
#concerns #governments #businesses #decisions #policy #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar graph illustrates the concerns influencing decision makings on governments and companies’ environmental policy. Analysis of the graph can be divided into three parts: affecting
government
 more, affecting
business
 more, and affecting evenly.
To begin
with
Add a comma
,with
show examples
 the fields that are influencing
government
 more,
while
 legislation has the biggest
percentage
 of importance for the
government
, which is slightly less than 30 %, it has only 15% for the
business
.
In addition
, costs relating to disposal
also
affects
Correct subject-verb agreement
affect
show examples
 the
government
, which is 10%, twice more than
business
, 5 %. In media
comment
Fix the agreement mistake
comments
show examples
, the
government
 has
slightly
Add an article
a slightly
show examples
 higher
percentage
, 10%, than the
business
, just below 10%. Turning to the fields that are affecting
business
 more, in saving energy and land property dealings, the
percentage
 of
business
 is dramatically higher, just over 25% and 10% respectively, than what it is of the
government
, around 13% and 5% each. Public concern for
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
also
 has
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher
percentage
 in
business
, exactly 15 %, and slightly under 15% in the counterpart.
Lastly
, costs of recycling and health and safety regulations have the
exactly
Replace the word
exact
show examples
 same
percentage
 in both the
government
 and the
business
, which are 15% and 5% respectively.
Submitted by Soichi Homma on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words government, business, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 8 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 8 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
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