IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some Believe That People Should Not Continue To Work Once They Reach The Age Of Retirement Until what age individuals should perform their duties is a debatable issue; it is argued by many people that individuals should stop working once they reach the age of retirement. This essay strongly supports this view as this will greatly benefits an individual to stay blissful and motivated.

#believe #people #work #age #retirement #individuals #duties
Until what age individuals should work is a debatable issue; it is argued by many people that individuals should stop working once they reach the youth of withdrawal.
This
 essay strongly supports
this
 view and it will examine
this
 in subsequent paragraphs. To commence with, on average, an individual works for almost twenty-five to thirty years before his or her pullout.
This
 life span is quite long enough and by the time they reach the age of 55 or 60 most of them have already worked hard and fulfilled their responsibilities like providing education for their children and saving enough for their withdrawal.
Therefore
, after retirement, individuals need stage for them to enjoy their growth. They should spend
this
 time for travelling to new places and
also
 in physical activities like Yoga and Meditation that can improve their health. To illustrate
further
, according to a recent survey by the World Health Organization, people who retire at the age of sixty and do not work after that were 30% happier than those who continue to work after evacuation.
Furthermore
, after retirement, individuals can involve themselves in taking care of their grandchildren and being a mentor to them. Senior citizens possess a vast amount of activity experience and it can best be utilised when they share it with youngsters; they can guide them in achieving their life goals.
For instance
, in our society, we have a club of retired people who help youngsters by guiding them to take the right decisions for their future. To conclude, once individuals reach the stage of retirement, they have worked enough and they should spend the rest of their lives doing activities that make them happy.
Moreover
, they can help youngsters in achieving their life goals.
Submitted by phamhoanganhhuy161 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: