IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The average standard of people’s health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people’s #health #future
It is argued that public
health
 is
likely
Suggestion
more likely
 to get worse than it is today in the coming years. I believe
this
 is true because there are many unhealthy habits in the modern society that may contribute to poor
health
 among people. One of the reasons that may decrease the
health
 standards are the unhealthy dietary patterns.
In other words
, people, nowadays, consume more and more junk
food
 that
contain
Suggestion
contains
 higher amounts of lipids and sugar.
As a result
 of
this
, more people will suffer from severe
health
 issues
such
 as heart problems and diabetes. As people are unaware of these
health
 hazards, they tend to consume those in higher amounts.
Moreover
,
authorities
Suggestion
the authorities
 have not taken enough
actions
Suggestion
action
 to limit the use of unhealthy
food
 items. As those
food
 items constantly appear on television advertisements, people cannot resist the temptation to buy more and more of these.
For instance
,
food
 chains
such
 as KFC and McDonalds have
huge influence
Suggestion
a huge influence
 on people, especially, young children who consume these foods regularly. Eventually,
this
 will lead to obesity in
people which
Accept comma addition
people, which
 cause low life expectance. Another reason that will decrease the standards of people’s
health
 is the lack of physical
activity
. As exercise helps us to burn excess calories, it is essential to have a physically active life. It can be seen that people living in the modern society show lack of concern for physical
activity
. Even though some people pursue exercise, there are a majority of people who do not do any kind of physical sport or
activity
.
Moreover
, the new technological advancements have led people to lead a sedentary life. People spend long hours on their smart phones without engaging in any physical
activity
. In conclusion, it is true that there is a high probability of
health
 standards declining in future owing to the faulty lifestyle and
food
 habits. It is time people woke up to the danger and took corrective measures.
Submitted by Leslie Cortez on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: