IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Demand for food is increasing worldwide. What is the cause of this? What measures can the international community take to meet this demand?

#demand #food #measures #community
Nowadays, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
life
Add a comma
life,
show examples
 the
food
demand
 is increasing and
this
 is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an important problem for the whole globe. There are several factors which could cause
this
 issue, and the international community should take some
measures
 to
increase
 the supply for
this
demand
.
This
 essay will discuss the possible causes of
this
 trend followed by some
measures
 to be taken to meet
this
demand
. To start with, there are several factors
could
Correct pronoun usage
that could
show examples
 lead to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
demand
 for
food
.
Firstly
, the
increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
population
rate
 between the
countries
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 an important role in
increase
Change the verb form
increasing
show examples
 the
demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
food
.
For example
, many
countries
 with high
population
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 are facing a high level of
food
demand
.
Secondly
, the decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
agricultural production in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural areas
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 some effects on
this
 issue. Because with the decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
food
 supply
people
 will face
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
 products.
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
, the international community should take some
measures
 to meet
this
demand
.
To begin
 with, the governments should set
some
Change preposition
up some
show examples
 awareness campaigns to educate
people
 about the importance of controlling the number of children.
As a result
,
people
 will
adapt
Correct your spelling
adopt
show examples
 the idea of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smaller family members to reduce the
demand
 for
food
.
Moreover
, the governments should support the agricultural sectors, among the
countries
 to
increase
 the
food
 supply to handle
this
demand
.
For instance
, some
countries
 nowadays are aware of the importance of the agriculture industry and they are giving it
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
support to enhance. In conclusion, there are some factors that are contributing
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 increasing the
demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
food
,
such
 as the
increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
population
rate
 and the decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
agricultural production.
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
, the international community should take some
measures
 to meet
this
demand
 by setting awareness campaigns to educate
people
 about reducing the
population
rate
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and support the agriculture industry to
increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
 production.
Submitted by q on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task and presents clear ideas. However, it could benefit from a more thorough exploration of the causes of increasing food demand and a more cohesive structure.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical structure, but the introduction and conclusion could be more developed and the essay could benefit from clearer transitions between ideas.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: