The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent do you agree ?

#role #education #children #world #schools #art #music #curriculum #focus #subjects #information #technology

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Education is really important in everyone live.

Moreover

, in our time, when world is constantly evolving.

However

, I disagree with the idea that educational curriculum should cut art and music

Accept space

Although

, to a certain extent I agree that knowledge of

technology

also

really needed. Knowledge of

technology

helps a lot in everyday life, and many people

also

believe that our future lives with them.

Therefore

, children need to receive knowledge in

this

area.

For example

this

will simply help to work with a computer.

Also

, the ability to use information

technology

will help to learn more about the world,

moreover

this

can be great progress

for

Suggestion

the development of the country.

However

, knowledge of art and music cannot lose its significance against the background of

technology

Suggestion

the technology

Firstly

, many children of a more creative nature and no matter how much they study different sciences, they will not achieve

such

great results in them as they could in creativity.

Moreover

, if you remove these items at school,

then

the children will not be able to find out if

this

profession is suitable for them for the future.

Thus

, a school can simply ruin their possible career.

Finally

, I hope that people will not be dismissive of art classes and will understand that it is very important to develop in different areas

Submitted by zhanna on Mon Jun 01 2020

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

221 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

holistic development
cognitive abilities
cultural education
globally connected world
problem-solving skills
critical thinking
well-rounded education
self-expression
mental health impacts
digital art
music production
technology-driven careers
academic performance
intellectual growth
emotional development
creative subjects
enrich creativity
foster a sense of achievement
stress relief

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
You have bought some clothing online and are not satisfied with your purchase. Write a letter to the company that you bought the clothing from. In your email -Give detail of the purchase -Describe the problem -Explain why you need a replacement urgently.
I am writing to request a replacement for my T-shirt and cargo which I purchased from your website last Friday.
7.5
band
You recently went on holiday and your friend lent you a travel guidebook. Write a letter to friend. In your letter: - tell your friend about the holiday - explain how the guidebook was helpful - say when and how you will return the guidebook
I hope this letter finds you in good health. First of all, I would like to express my gratitude and thank you for lending me your travel guidebook. It's well-preserved and has given me great insights into everything and everywhere in the city.
5.5
band
Some parents think children's behaviour should be strictly controlled, while other parents think children should be free to behave. Discuss both views and give examples
Various guardians consider children’s attitudes should be under parent’s control. On the other hand, fewer think kids should be free to behave. This essay will discuss both perspectives as well as some examples.
6
band
Some people say that TV advertisements are helpful for viewers, while others disagree. What is your opinion?
A lot of individuals argue that all kids must study ancient cultures and civilians at kindergartens. However, other people believe that recent materials are more practical for young students. So , is the latter view the best for children or the initial?
5.5
band
Some people believe that the only important thing in life is his or her work. Without a successful career, life is meaningless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In this day and age, people have different views about occupation roles in life. While there are some good arguments in favour of the view that jobs play the most vital role in human lives, and without them life is considered to be meaningless, I personally disagree with this notion.

The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent do you agree ?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

You have bought some clothing online and are not satisfied with your purchase. Write a letter to the company that you bought the clothing from. In your email -Give detail of the purchase -Describe the problem -Explain why you need a replacement urgently.

You recently went on holiday and your friend lent you a travel guidebook. Write a letter to friend. In your letter: - tell your friend about the holiday - explain how the guidebook was helpful - say when and how you will return the guidebook

Some parents think children's behaviour should be strictly controlled, while other parents think children should be free to behave. Discuss both views and give examples

Some people say that TV advertisements are helpful for viewers, while others disagree. What is your opinion?

Some people believe that the only important thing in life is his or her work. Without a successful career, life is meaningless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?