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Band 4.5

The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent do you agree ?

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Education is really important in everyone live.
Moreover
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, in our time, when world is constantly evolving.
However
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, I disagree with the idea that educational curriculum should cut art and music
.
Accept space
.
Although
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, to a certain extent I agree that knowledge of
technology
Use synonyms
 is
also
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 really needed. Knowledge of
technology
Use synonyms
 helps a lot in everyday life, and many people
also
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 believe that our future lives with them.
Therefore
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, children need to receive knowledge in
this
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 area.
For example
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,
this
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 will simply help to work with a computer.
Also
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, the ability to use information
technology
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 will help to learn more about the world,
moreover
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,
this
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 can be great progress
for
Suggestion
in
 the development of the country.
However
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, knowledge of art and music cannot lose its significance against the background of
Use synonyms
technology
Suggestion
the technology
.
Firstly
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, many children of a more creative nature and no matter how much they study different sciences, they will not achieve
such
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 great results in them as they could in creativity.
Moreover
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, if you remove these items at school,
then
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 the children will not be able to find out if
this
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 profession is suitable for them for the future.
Thus
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, a school can simply ruin their possible career.
Finally
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, I hope that people will not be dismissive of art classes and will understand that it is very important to develop in different areas

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • cognitive abilities
  • cultural education
  • globally connected world
  • problem-solving skills
  • critical thinking
  • well-rounded education
  • self-expression
  • mental health impacts
  • digital art
  • music production
  • technology-driven careers
  • academic performance
  • intellectual growth
  • emotional development
  • creative subjects
  • enrich creativity
  • foster a sense of achievement
  • stress relief
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