IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

the chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. write a report.

the chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. write a report.
#amount #leisure #time #men #women #employment #status #report
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The given bar chart illustrates the weekly entertainment period (in hours)
that is
Linking Words
 enjoyed by five different working groups based on their sex, during 1998-99.
Overall
Linking Words
, the jobless and the
post retirement
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post-retirement
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 categories of people showed a maximum number of enjoyable hours. The men are ahead of women in all the groups except the housewives and
part
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part-time
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time
Use synonyms
 workers that
does
Change the verb form
do
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 not have any male representation.
To begin
Linking Words
 with the unemployed and retired people made the best use of their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 in terms of joy. These figures were 80
hrs
Use synonyms
/
week
Use synonyms
 for males and 78
hrs
Use synonyms
/
week
Use synonyms
 for females in both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
categories. It was followed by the housewives who could manage to enjoy 50
hrs
Use synonyms
 in every
week
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 group was obviously reserved for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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females only. Amongst the rest of the two groups I.e. those working
full
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full-time
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time
Use synonyms
 or part-
time
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, the number of enjoyment hours for females remained almost closer to 40hrs/
week
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
 in
Correct article usage
the full
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full
Add a hyphen
full-time
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time
Use synonyms
 job category,
this
Linking Words
 figure was 45hrs/
week
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 for men. But surprisingly enough, the men did not have any representation amongst the
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
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time
Use synonyms
 jobbers.
Submitted by aadidoc508 on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, hrs, week with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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