Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and news event. Do you think the advantages of this technology outweigh the disadvantages

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A certain number of
people
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
social
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
to stay connected to
individuals
Use synonyms
, reports and events. I believe that the benefit of social networking outweighs the
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
because it provides easy access to extensive information.
However
Linking Words
, it could
also
Linking Words
make
individuals
Use synonyms
in the community less social.
Firstly
Linking Words
, one major demerit of social media could be less socialization
amongst
Change preposition
among
show examples
individuals
Use synonyms
in a society.
People
Use synonyms
spend more time on their mobile devices, chatting with virtual friends and keeping tabs on their favourite celebrities.
For example
Linking Words
, my best friend who is a socialite attended a party in her neighbourhood. She noticed that
people
Use synonyms
at the gathering, barely interacted with her or anyone else because they were so engrossed with their mobile phones. The party was so boring she had to leave after a few minutes.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the
use
Use synonyms
of internet platforms has made socializing in the community almost non-existent.
Secondly
Linking Words
, I opine that the merit of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
platform could be providing easy access to information and instant connectivity to
populace
Correct article usage
the populace
show examples
around the globe. A variety of social media applications
such
Linking Words
as Instagram, Facebook and WhatsApp are being used by
individuals
Use synonyms
daily.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they
use
Use synonyms
these social media platforms to relate to
people
Use synonyms
,
get
Correct word choice
and get
show examples
updates
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
news reports and activities that occur worldwide.
This
Linking Words
has more benefits than drawbacks.
For instance
Linking Words
, when I
use
Use synonyms
my Instagram account I can keep tabs on news,
various
Correct word choice
and various
show examples
popular occasions and
also
Linking Words
interact with my family living abroad.
Thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
has made global interaction and obtaining vast information effortless. In conclusion, I believe that the
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
of
this
Linking Words
technology by far outweigh the
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
because social networking makes it easy to stay connected to
people
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
keeping
Wrong verb form
keep
show examples
up to date with reports and events worldwide.
Submitted by EJEME EIGBE on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Well done on addressing the task prompt and providing a clear position on whether the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages. Your essay effectively discusses both the advantages and disadvantages, supporting your opinion with examples.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion overall. The logical structure is clear, with a well-organized introduction and conclusion. However, there are some areas where the connection between ideas could be strengthened for smoother transitions.
task response
Clear position on the topic and effective use of examples to support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Well-structured introduction and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • real-time updates
  • global connectivity
  • professional networking
  • fake news
  • misinformation
  • social media addiction
  • mental health issues
  • privacy concerns
  • personal information
  • viral content
What to do next:
Look at other essays: