IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Large shopping malls are replacing small shops. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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These days, there is a tendency
that
Correct word choice
for
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 local small
shops
Use synonyms
 have
been
Wrong verb form
be
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 replaced by department stores and supermarkets. From my perspective,
this
Linking Words
 trend can show both positive and negative sides.
To begin
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 with, there are many advantages large shopping
malls
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 can offer compared to small
retailers
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, department stores and supermarkets can provide
customers
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 with a wide range of options with various prices.
People
Use synonyms
 can go to different stalls to make comparisons of the products and pick up their favourite ones depending on their budget and personal interests.
Additionally
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, it is self-evident that
people
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 can receive a large number of excellent services when shopping in shopping centres.
For instance
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, unlike small
retailers
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 which do not usually have any special service, many large
shops
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 usually offer discounts for loyal
customers
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, leading to a significant increase in the purchase.
On the other hand
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, the fact that large
shops
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 have dominated small ones can exert detrimental effects on
customers
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 and small shop
retailers
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. When
people
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 tend to do the shopping in large shopping
malls
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, it is difficult for many small
shops
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 to operate;
therefore
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, they have to be closed, resulting in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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unemployment among local shop owners.
Additionally
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, if
people
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 go to shopping
malls
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 to buy a great deal of products, small
shops
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 are more suitable places to purchase only one or two single items. Many
people
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 find it
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
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 to park their car, step in the elevator and go around the
malls
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 in order to buy a bottle of water,
for instance
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.
Instead
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, they can buy it in any small shop to save time. In conclusion, I reckon that the gradual disappearance of small
shops
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due to
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 the development of many large shopping centres can have both beneficial and adverse influence on
customers
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 and
retailers
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.

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task response
- Your essay addresses both the positive and negative aspects of the trend, which is good. However, the development of ideas could be more balanced. The negative aspects could be further developed to achieve a more comprehensive response.
coherence and cohesion
- The introduction and conclusion are present, which is good. However, the logical structure of the essay could be improved for a more coherent and cohesive flow of ideas.
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