IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that advertisements targeting children may have negative effects on them, and suggest banning such advertisements as a solution. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #advertisements #children #effects
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Ever since the liberalisation of media, advertisements had been its primary source of revenue. Children, who are in their formative years, are more likely to be influenced by advertisements than their older counterparts, are regularly targeted by the marketers. It is agreed that
this
 has negative effects on children,
thus
, shall be banned.
This
 will be proven by looking at how, these advertisements can ultimately make children's defiant, and play a part in distracting children from academic activities.
To begin
, when children are exposed to advertisements of products that their parents can’t afford to provide for them, children often resort to defying both, their parents, and society.
For instance
, it is a known fact that most children, who go on to become rebels, had been deprived of their wishes for items that they don’t even need, nor can afford,
such
 as elegant toys and expensive mobile phones.
This
 shows that advertisements of certain kinds of products can lead children to develop delinquent tendencies.
Hence
, promotional material that targets children has more than its fair share of disadvantages.
In addition
 to
this
, a large number of the flashy advertisements can subconsciously have a detrimental effect on a child’s academic.
For instance
, after being barraged by an endless amount of advertisements in a short span of time, juveniles can lose their ability to focus on a certain task for an extended period of time.
Thus
 being exposed to
such
 advertisements can take its toll on a child’s brain. After analysing
this
, the demerits of advertisements targeting children are manifested. Following
this
 look at how advertisements aimed at children can, undermine their behaviour, and hinder the achievement of their academic objectives, it is evident that these advertisements have adverse effects on children.
Thus it
Accept comma addition
Thus, it
 is hoped that governments should muse upon banning of
such
 advertisements.
Submitted by Cherish on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • pressure parents
  • unnecessary products
  • childhood obesity
  • highly impressionable
  • materialistic values
  • constant exposure
  • exploit
  • persuasive intent
  • vulnerable to manipulation
  • educate children
  • beneficial
  • impact companies economically
What to do next:
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