IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many young people today leave school with a negative attitude towards learning. Why? What can be done to encourage a positive attitude to learning in young people?

#people #school #attitude
More than ever before, young people are feeling disgruntled with the
education
system
. It is apparent that
this
disatisfaction
the feeling of being displeased and discontent
dissatisfaction
 caused the unwillingness of learning after graduation.
This
 essay will try to explore the reason behind
this
 phenomenon and suggest what could be done to encourage young people to learn. It is not hard to imagine that most people associate learning
with
Suggestion
in
school
.
However
, Many
graudates
receive an academic degree upon completion of one's studies
graduates
 left their schools with a feeling that the
school
system
 had failed them and they
were being stifle
Suggestion
were stifling
have stifled
 and their potential were being suppressed. Personally, I think
this
 sentiment said something very true for our current
school
system
.
To begin
 with, our
education
system
 places too much focus on examination. Students are forced to focus only on how do well in exams without any space to pursue their own passion.
In addition
, subject
variety
Suggestion
variability
 is abysmal and activities outside the
school
cirriculum
an integrated course of academic studies
curriculum
curriculums
 are considered a waste of time.
As a result
 of these factors, students who do not do well in the current
system
 might feel that they are being
ignore
Suggestion
ignored
 and hold a negative view towards learning as a whole
consequently
. Despite that, there are many
thing
Suggestion
things
 can be done to reinstate the passion for learning in young people.
First
, the government should examine the
education
system
 and shift the focus away from exam based evaluation.
In addition
, schools should include more variety of
subject
Suggestion
subjects
into
Suggestion
in
 the curriculum,
such
 as art and sports.
This
 way, every student could find some interests in
school
 learning.
Second
, an online learning could be developed to supplement what schools
can not
can not
cannot
 provide.
Finally
, the government could launch a
compign
a race between candidates for elective office
campaign
 to promote lifelong learning and provide financial incentive for young people who
signup
Suggestion
sign up
. In conclusion, the reason of the negative view for learning among young
people mainly
Accept comma addition
people, mainly
 stems from the
education
system
. To solve
this
, the government could make changes to the
school
system
 and promote young graduate to continue study after leaving
school
.
Submitted by Alvar Ma on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: