IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that strict punishment for driving offences are the only way to reduce traffic accidents To what extent, do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #punishment #offences #traffic #accidents
In the present
days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
show examples
, the act of committing crimes on roadways on a regular basis has caused several detrimental accidents to other drivers and pedestrians,
Correct word choice
and which
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 is believed that only
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strict punishment would improve the situation. From my standpoint, I share the view that it is effective to put a heavy fine on the criminals, but there are still other methods which should be adopted by the authorities and
also
 the individuals. On the one hand, a strict punishment to those violating the
traffic
 laws is totally justifiable.
This
 can be elucidated by when
people
 are aware of the existence of strict
traffic
 regulations, they will have a tendency to follow the rules properly
due to
 the fear of receiving retribution
such
 as ceasing
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 driving license, monetary fines and imprisonments.
For instance
, in 2007, the
policy-makers
Correct your spelling
policymakers
show examples
 in Vietnam
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
strongly introduced a rule that wearing helmets was mandatory
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 all motorcyclists and the offenders were charged from 10 to 15 USD each.
As a result
, the number of lethal road accidents eventually declined by 12.86%, which had not ever been seen before.
On the other hand
, as the existing severe penalties could not utterly ensure
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
road safety in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long term, more actions should be taken by the authorities and the public as well. One possible action should be
that
Correct word choice
for
show examples
 the government
pour
Fix the infinitive
to pour
show examples
 more budget into educational TV programs to aware
people
 of the devastating consequences of
traffic
violation
Fix the agreement mistake
violations
show examples
 bringing to our lives.
For example
, if one driver involved in a crash were not wearing a helmet, the risk of suffering from traumatic brain injury or fatal death would be significantly high.
In addition
, as individuals,
people
 should qualify
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
driving license at the age of 18 and make sure to be able to read the
traffic
 signs with precision. In
this
 case,
people
 will become more alert and self-disciplined when using their personal vehicles. All summed up, the utilization of strict penalties for driving offenders
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 the government reduce a large number of road accidents recorded,
however
, it is not the sole solution. In my opinion,
people
’s awareness of
traffic
 rules plays a pivotal role in the community’s security and driving licenses should be adopted by everyone.
Submitted by Thanh Nguyen on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Provide a more balanced view by acknowledging the potential drawbacks of strict punishment for driving offenses.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the ideas and arguments are connected coherently throughout the essay. Use linking words and transition phrases to improve coherence and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: