IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#education #component #school #program
The current education system covers different subjects, from mathematics to art, with the finality to make sure the students
at the end
 of their time in school will be able to think logically and
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
creatively in life.
However
, some people believe that financial literacy should
also
 be included in the curriculum.
This
 essay agrees with
this
 statement and will discuss
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
 depth more about it. Nowadays, most of the school programs have an extensive curriculum grade, which includes science, the language of the specific country, humanities and so on. All the students spend a great amount of time
to study
Change the verb form
studying
show examples
 for all the required disciplines. Learning about science,
for example
, will help them to understand the world
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a better degree.
Also
, when studying
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mathematics, it will make them able, not just to calculate some equations, but to think logically in certain life situations. Many people agree that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial discipline as a mandatory component of the school program will give
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals the skills and knowledge that
allows
Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
show examples
 them to make informed and effective decisions with all of their personal financial resources.
For instance
, understanding basic financial concepts allows people to know how to navigate
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the financial system, qualifying them to make better financial decisions and manage money better
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 those without
such
 training. In conclusion,
this
 essay agrees that having a basic knowledge of financial education will give
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the students the base to be able to make decisions by themselves and
moreover
, to control their personal expenses in a greater method.
Submitted by nataliaballadas on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that all points made are directly relevant to the topic given and are sufficiently developed.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively state the position of the essay. Maintain a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: