IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #festivals #periods
In the recent era, the modes of enjoyment for the masses is changing rapidly. The human beings celebrate almost all the functions together without any discrimination in the kind of festival. I firmly stand by the given viewpoint. In my piece of writing
,
Accept space
,
 I shall shed light on
reasons
Suggestion
the reasons
 of my an agreement. More importantly, in the current time period, the people
only wants
Suggestion
only want
are only wanting
 to enjoy the various moments of the life, and perhaps, they only want to celebrate and cheer up their happiness.
For example
, on Christmas day, all the mankind across the world likes to fill their 25 December night with fun and dance. The humans do not pay attention
toward
Suggestion
to
 the spiritual values and explore about the sacrifice
,
Accept space
,
 which is done by Jesus Christ. So, the masses decorate the cake of the religious festivals with enjoyment sauce only.
Furthermore
,
there
Suggestion
they're
 many and various traditional festivals exist in the every society. The old moments and culture is
pass
Suggestion
passed
 through one generation to another with the help of seasonal
occassions
something you have to do
occasions
occasion
, but, with the passage of time, the humans reflect the shadow of modernisation from the mirror of the old functions.
For instance
, in India, the ways of
arrangments
the thing arranged or agreed to
arrangement
 in the harvest fairs upgraded by new techniques
,
Accept space
,
 which shift the mind compass of the people
toward
Suggestion
to
 dance on high beat only. I think
,
Accept space
,
 the ways of celebration are greatly
impact
Suggestion
impacting
 the modern man and it provide dim light
to
Suggestion
of
 the historical and religious events.
Submitted by sandhupoonam104 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commercialization
  • Globalization
  • Cultural dilution
  • Traditional values
  • Secularization
  • Festivity
  • Heritage
  • Individualism vs. collectivism
  • Consumer culture
  • Intangible cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: