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Band 6.5

Some people are leaving the countryside to live in the cities and the town, leaving only the old people in the countryside. What problem are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this problem?

#people #countryside #cities #town
In the era of globalisation, some
people
 prefer to live in the cities and towns rather than living
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
in contrast
, representatives of the older generation only live in the
countryside
.
This
 essay will discuss problems and the ways of the solutions. The root of the problem is the houses which are located detached, resulting in
people
 hardly contact with their neighbours and when you need help, you should consider pharmacy is far from that area. Young
people
 choose to go to the cities and the towns
due to
 their jobs and living in these areas available for them.
for example
 in many countries, the population who live in the town can go to their jobs on time and have the opportunity to meet with their friends.
However
, some old communities stay in the
countryside
 because they find their souls in nature
additionally
, nature helps them find peace. To solve
this
 problem,
firstly
, the pharmacy and hospitals must be close to those houses in the
countryside
 because more old
people
 than young
people
 live in that area and it means that old
people
 sometimes need medicine and help
therefore
 they go to buy it from the pharmacy,
Secondly
, old
people
 will gain a bonus perk whenever numerous new workplaces exist around them.
Therefore
, the more amenities are being built, the higher the possibility for teenagers or adults to stay in rural regions. In conclusion, both citizens and governments have the main rule to reduce youngsters leaving their hometown,
although
, living in the metropolis can be amazing as there are varieties there.
Submitted by raufpasayev83 on

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task achievement
Focus on providing more specific examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your points and provide clearer illustrations for your readers.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your ideas. Ensure each paragraph connects smoothly to the next, and that the progression of your argument is easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining your introduction and conclusion to better summarize the key points of your essay. This will give your essay a more cohesive feel.
task achievement
You have addressed both parts of the question by discussing the problems and providing solutions.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well.
task achievement
The ideas presented are relevant to the topic and address the issues directly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • migration
  • demographic shift
  • agricultural labor
  • increased urban population
  • medical care
  • elderly care
  • rural culture
  • urban infrastructure
  • resources
  • brain drain
  • government incentives
  • job opportunities
  • awareness
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