IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Today, more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages four tourists who visit such places?

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In recent years, more and more tourists are visiting harsh and challenging places like the Sahara desert or the Antarctic.
Although
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 these adventures can be thrilling and educational, there are significant risks involved in a person's life. One major benefit of travelling to places like the Sahara desert or the Antarctic is the opportunity to explore diverse cultures.
Moreover
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, individuals can gain invaluable transferable experience from the survival techniques that are being used by the natives.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 broadens the individual's worldview and enables them to handle unpleasant and intimidating situations more effectively.
In addition
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 to
this
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, some people enjoy pushing their limits by forcing them out of their comfort zones and trips to these regions are perfect for them. Surviving harsh conditions,
for instance
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, provides them with a sense of accomplishment, which in turn, significantly boosts their self-esteem.
However
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, trips to these destinations are unconventional.
Therefore
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, travelling to these places is often expensive and requires careful planning.
Moreover
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, these expenses primarily include costly permits, specialised clothing and experienced guides.
Additionally
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, another prime disadvantage of visiting these destinations is the associated health and security risks, that could lead to potential fatal consequences. These travels
also
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 pose environmental risks as large amounts of tourists can disturb and alter wildlife of the Antarctica and these visits can end up forming landfills all over the place. In conclusion, travelling and surviving in these regions can be rewarding
due to
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 the unique experience that cannot be possible through traditional trips.
However
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, concerns
for instance
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, high costs, health and security dangers and negative environmental impact should be considered.

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task achievement
Expand your examples to provide more specific details that illustrate your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied linking words to enhance the flow of your paragraphs.
task achievement
Ensure each advantage/disadvantage point is balanced in terms of detail and development.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in coherence.
task achievement
You have successfully identified both benefits and disadvantages of visiting harsh environments, showing good task response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • challenges
  • unique experiences
  • adventure
  • exploration
  • breathtaking landscapes
  • cultural understanding
  • empathy
  • environmental awareness
  • climate change
  • local economies
  • sustainability
  • conservation
  • financial support
  • adaptation
  • remote locations
  • ecotourism
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