IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#world #families #parents #work #say #children #benefit #income #lack #support #absence
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The prevailing financial competition has led many parents to find a job. There are a few who are of the opinion that
this
Linking Words
 extra money helps in a minor's upbringing, while others contradict and consider it as counterproductive. In my opinion, better financial conditions that stem from working parents offers various advantages to their children. On the one hand, many believe that working parents results in a lack of parental attention to a child. It seems understandable that if both parents have to stay outside the home for a longer period of time, the children might feel deprived of the love and the affection that they are in need of. To illustrate an example, most parents have to work from 8am to 7pm and are
thus
Linking Words
 left with no time to spend it with their offsprings.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are many who argue that extra money earned by the working parents, pays off their children in various ways, and I agree. The extra income enables these parents to send their children to teaching institutions that are expensive, but the best for their academic careers. As affording
such
Linking Words
 schools is often hard for the single working parents, the additional money
thus
Linking Words
 earned helps in giving quality education to the children of the working parents.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, dual income helps parents to give a prosperous life and a standard living for their children. Since going out on picnics and recreational activities help fostering the family bondage and requires the healthy budgets that the working parents can easily manage.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the children of working parents stand a better chance to lead a happier life and healthier relationships. To conclude, people may vary in their opinion, but from my perspective, I am of the strong belief that children to the working parents are better off in their education, quality of life and relationships as compared to others. It is
therefore
Linking Words
 suggested that communities should encourage both parents to work for the betterment of their family lives.
Submitted by aadidoc508 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • dual-income household
  • financial stability
  • extracurricular activities
  • role models
  • self-reliance
  • independent
  • emotional well-being
  • work-life balance
  • neglected
  • quality time
What to do next:
Look at other essays: