IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Do you agree or disagree that celebrities are paid far too much money?

#celebrities #money
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true that some people believe that achieving a fixed
career
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 in the whole of life
sufficient
Add a missing verb
is sufficient
show examples
 for them and they
be
Change the verb form
are
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 satisfied with it. So,
this
Linking Words
job
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 brings many advantages and fringe
benefits
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 for them.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
work
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satisfaction
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 is a complex concept in terms of any
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person
Change noun form
person's
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differ
Replace the word
differences
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. On the one hand, owning fixed employment brings a lot of merits for employees because of
this
Linking Words
 issue many employment seekers desire that acquire an unchanged
job
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 without attention to
job
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satisfaction
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. The primary merit is that any
person
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 who needs a
job
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 in which they do not want to spend a lot of
time
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 seeking a
job
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 in many periods of
time
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 and
instead
Linking Words
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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focus on their
job
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, employees have various
benefits
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 of their
career
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 including old-age pension, health insurance, and generous
benefits
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 and they do not worry about the future. Because many people like these jobs.
Finally
Linking Words
, many occupations have a special structure for any employee
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 wants to enhance his/her
benefits
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, in public service, one employee can improve to a deputy or chairman
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
Correct article usage
a periods
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periods
Fix the agreement mistake
period
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 of
time
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I am of the opinion that people who are seeking a position
beside
Change preposition
besides
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 a desire to have a
job
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attending
Wrong verb form
attend
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 to factors that supply for
job
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satisfaction
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.
Job
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satisfying
Replace the word
satisfaction
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 has several factors that differ
in
Change preposition
from
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any
Correct determiner usage
one
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person
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 to another
person
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. Nowadays, a lot of
work
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 seekers aspire to experience the
feel
Replace the word
feeling
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 of
work
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satisfaction
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 so that maybe they want to find
this
Linking Words
 profession.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
have
Wrong verb form
having
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benefits
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such
Linking Words
 as enough salary and insurance cannot
the
Add a missing verb
be the
show examples
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
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 for selecting a
career
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. Beyond doubt, these features are initial aspects of any occupation. Indeed, attention to factors including a positive working atmosphere, enthusiastic colleagues, and an inspirational boss play an important role for any
person
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 who seeks a
career
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.
Besides
Linking Words
 the
time
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 we spend choosing a good
career
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most
Rephrase
is more
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worthier
Replace the word
worthwhile
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 than
we spend
Wrong verb form
spending
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 that
time
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for
Change preposition
on
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 a
job
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 that unsatisfied
ours
Correct pronoun usage
us
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. In conclusion, following a fixed
career
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 for the entire life might contribute to contentment at
work
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.
However
Linking Words
, I believe
this
Linking Words
 is not the only route for everyone to achieve goals in their working life.
Submitted by mohammad chelsea on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a moderate level of coherence and cohesion. You need to work on organizing your ideas in a more logical manner and ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next.
task achievement
Your response to the task is acceptable, but could be more comprehensive and specific. Try to provide more specific examples and expand on your ideas to fully answer the question.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • lucrative
  • revenue
  • sponsorships
  • merchandise
  • career longevity
  • market demand
  • economic contribution
  • role models
  • influence
  • entertainment industry
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