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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that it is better to spend more money to eliminate the cause of crime, while others think that government should spend more on punishment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #money #crime #government #punishment
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The question on whether to spend the public funds on removing the reason behind the crime or punishing the criminal for the unlawful act has always been debatable. There are valid arguments for both the sides,
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however in
Accept comma addition
however, in
 my view, the sincere efforts should be done to treat the cause of the government and the society in order to decline the crime rate. On the one hand, the government should work to control the various factors
such
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 as poverty, unemployment, drug abuse, and low education level predisposing the people to plot the offences.
For example
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, free education services provided by schools and colleges will help to learn basic vocational services and grab a decent job.
Additionally
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, the steps should be taken to generate job vacancies, and companies should be given some tax rebate those are creating the work opportunities.
Hence
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, both education and employment will help to empower the poverty and
subsequently
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 raise the standard of living.
In addition
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 to it, alcohol abuse and illicit drug use are the major reasons in committing criminal activities
such
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 as robbery, rape and murder due to their disturbed decision making abilities. In
such
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 scenarios, these individuals should be made to join rehabilitation program in helping them to become sober.
On the other hand
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, the persons who are punished should be given the rehabilitation therapy to improve their mental health and resolve their psychological issues so that they do not plot another illegal act after releasing from the jail.
In addition
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 to it, the government should help them in finding a job which will give them a sense of security in their life and
this
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 will
further
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 decline the crime rate. To recapitulate, I opine that the sincere measures to control the predisposing factors
such
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 as poverty, and unemployment should be followed along with the implementation of strict rules and punishment to control the acts of committing the offences.
Submitted by Man Kaur on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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