IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Write a letter to the director of your company to recommend a group in your local community which deserves help. In your letter, you should tell: why you suggest helping this group how your company can help this group what the benefits your company will in return for.

#director #company #group #community #benefits
Dear Sir/ Madam, I am writing
this
 letter to suggest an opinion regarding helping a local community by offering jobs from your
company
. I am living in Warrington, a group of people from Syria has
came
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
 there and created a community. As they are new and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 language barriers they are struggling to live in the UK. I am well aware that our
company
 is well known in terms of helping
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
,
hence
, helping them would be a great one. As our firm is opening a new outlet in Manchester it would be much appreciated if you could give them jobs, which will be a great stress relief for them in terms of
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
 crisis.
As a result
 of helping in their difficult situation can build
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 affection towards our
company
 which will increase our
company
's output.
In addition
 to that they can promote our
company
 through mouth publicity which will be
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 added benefit for us. I expect a positive response from you. Yours Faithfully, Tom Wilson
Submitted by ansamerrin987 on

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coherence cohesion
Keep paragraphs focused on single main ideas; this enhances readability. Here, the paragraph addressing the benefit to the company can be better divided into separate ideas.
task achievement
Revise sentences for minor grammatical errors and to improve clarity. For instance, "...a group of people from Syria has came there and..." should be "...a group of people from Syria who have come here and..."
task achievement
You provided a clear recommendation and a rationale for helping the group, which strong covers the task achievement criterion.
task achievement
Your letter has a polite and formal tone suitable for business correspondence.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your letter is good; each section addresses different parts of the prompt in a coherent manner.
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