IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many cities, young people prefer shopping as a form of leisure activity. Why do you think this happens? Is it a positive or negative development?

The shopping
Correct determiner usage
Shopping
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 is one of the most preferred leisure activities among youngsters in many cities across the world. The
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
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, advertisement and fashion industry are the main reasons for
this
Linking Words
 trend of excessive shopping.
In
Change preposition
From
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 my own perspective, it has more demerits than merits
due to
Linking Words
 wastage of money, time and
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, most of the cities don’t have recreational centres
such
Linking Words
 as sports
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
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 or health fitness centres which they can use to spend their leisure time.
Consequently
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people prefer to do shopping as their pleasurable activity to break the monotonous routine from their busy work schedule and to replenish themselves from their exhaustion level.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
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 and development of digital technology have made an
easy
Replace the word
easily
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 availability of merchandise worldwide.
Thus
Linking Words
, the customers can shop easily online or buy from the stores which are open in the majority of cities across the world.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the advertising by hiring the famous personalities and celebrities with the use of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media applications, newspapers and television has raised the awareness level among the public about the recent trends and
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
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 their shopping habit. Contrarily,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people are spending money excessively to buy the latest trends of mobile phones, clothing, cosmetics and gadgets, and
thus
Linking Words
, ruining their savings and putting themselves under financial debt.
In addition
Linking Words
 to it, it has given rise to
Correct article usage
a throw
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throw away
Use the right word
throw-away
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 culture by unnecessary buying and disposing of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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old working products
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 has put a large burden on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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environmental resources.
For instance
Linking Words
, the killing of
wildlife
Use the right word
wild
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 animals
such
Linking Words
 as crocodiles is done for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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leather items and
woollen
Replace the word
woolly
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 clothes. In fact, they should be encouraged to use their leisure time by doing some healthy hobbies
such
Linking Words
 as cycling, gardening, and running. To recapitulate, the awareness level among the youngsters must be raised to follow the healthy hobbies in spite of doing excessive binge shopping and adopting throw away culture.

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task response
Say your view in the first paragraph and keep it clear.
content
Give two or three big ideas and explain them with small, clear examples.
structure
Write one idea in each paragraph and start with a clear sentence that tells the reader the point.
grammar
Use short, plain sentences and fix any big grammar issues.
coherence
Use linking words like first, also, but, for example to show how ideas are linked.
content
Check facts and avoid strong or untrue statements.
content
The writer takes a clear view that shopping has more bad points than good.
structure
The essay shows cause and effect by showing why people shop more.
content
The writer gives a plan to use leisure in a better way.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • disposable income
  • leisure activity
  • retail therapy
  • local economies
  • fashion trends
  • peer pressure
  • social status
  • environmental impact
  • consumption
  • waste
  • materialistic
  • cultural activities
  • prominent
  • neglect
  • therapeutic
  • social media influence
  • boost
  • desire
What to do next:
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