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Band 5.5

It is important to give children the chance to act independently and make their own decisions from early age. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this idea?

#children #chance #act #decisions #age #idea
Childhood is the most vulnerable period of life, where the topic
on
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of
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 the upbringing of the child by giving them
a
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the
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 freedom to make their decisions or should be completely supervised by their
parents
 has always been debated. There are valid arguments for either side,
however
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however,
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 in my perspective, teenagers should be taught to act independently with partial guidance from their guardians. On the one hand,
the
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apply
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parents
 who show
the
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complete faith in their offspring by giving them space to make their views help them to develop their analytical
mind
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minds
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 and critical thought
process
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processes
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. In fact,
such
 teenagers are more confident in tackling any
problem solving
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problem-solving
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situations
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situation
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, and
hence
,
give
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gives
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 them a sense of independence in
the
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apply
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daily
life related
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life-related
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 activities
such
 as studying, time management, money management and travelling.
In addition
 to it, there are more chances for the students with
a
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good
decision making
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decision-making
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 abilities to grab a good job opportunity and excel in their future prospects.
On the other hand
, some children get diverted from their normal tracks by the lack of constant guidance from their families.
For instance
, they can start smoking, doing illicit drug abuse, and binge alcohol drinking under
the
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apply
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peer pressure and no strictness from their
parents
.
Moreover
, some
wastes
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waste
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 their time
by
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apply
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watching television and playing video games, and prefer eating
the
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high calorie
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high-calorie
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 fast foods
than
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apply
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the
home cooked
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home-cooked
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 healthy meals.
Therefore
,
subsequently
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subsequently,
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 all these circumstances can predispose them to various health conditions
such
 as obesity, vision problems, psychological disturbances and antisocial behaviour. To recapitulate, I opine that
the
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apply
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parents
 should provide
a
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apply
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freedom to their adolescents for their
overall
 personality development by keeping a check on
the
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their
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 daily life so that the necessary actions can be taken in the case of indulgence in unhealthy habits.
Submitted by Man Kaur on

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coherence cohesion
Provide a clearer introduction and conclusion that more explicitly address the prompt. Make sure to connect your ideas with clear transitions for better coherence.
task achievement
Develop your introduction and conclusion to more fully address the given prompt. Ensure that your ideas are fully supported with relevant examples to improve task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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