Some argue younger people are not suitable for important positions in the government, while others think this is a good idea. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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this

Linking Words

current century, the government

became

Wrong verb form

has become

show examples

a diverse field where the younger population started occupying important status.

While

Linking Words

some think that these positions are not suitable for the youth, others argue that, oppositely, it is a good idea. I personally agree with the first idea, and I am going to discuss these two views and elaborate on my own perspectives in the following paragraphs. On one hand, it might be thought that

age

Use synonyms

is a crucial factor that influences the ability to direct important tasks. What supports

this

Linking Words

belief is the fact that the older population have more experience in the working field,

therefore

Linking Words

is able to occupy higher positions in the government. They

also

Linking Words

have lived longer within the society and have had the chance to deeply know its problems and needs. Currently in my country,

for example

Linking Words

, the authority is mostly occupied by the elderly

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

have worked before in multiple fields as citizens, and once they got to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

important positions, they did a great job understanding the community.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, other people think that

age

Use synonyms

might not define one person's competencies because many young adults have achieved noticeable accomplishments at an early

age

Use synonyms

. They can get involved in politics since college as well, making them more experienced by the time they graduate.

Also

Linking Words

, youth represents a large portion of citizens, and

therefore

Linking Words

they need an authority made of a community

approximately

Change preposition

of approximately

show examples

the same

age

Use synonyms

. To support

this

Linking Words

belief, a research study showed that young adults had more to offer to their countries, making

effort

Correct article usage

an effort

show examples

to get in touch with their peers through social media and surveys to analyse the difficulties they face in their society. To summarize, I fully agree with the suggestion that youth should occupy important spots in the government

instead

Linking Words

of the older population because they are more in touch with the community and do a better job fixing its problems and needs.

fatimazahra.kanbarSat Aug 13 2022

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task achievement

Make sure each paragraph clearly supports the argument with logical reasoning and evidence. Adding more specific examples or evidence could strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs for better coherence. Use more cohesive devices to link ideas across sentences and paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

The introduction is clear and provides a good overview of the argument.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion reflects and summarizes the essay effectively, reinforcing the writer's position.

task achievement

The essay addresses both sides of the argument, fulfilling the task response requirements.

task achievement

The arguments are relatively clear and supported with reasonable examples.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

323 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

far-reaching consequences
life and professional experience
judicious policymaking
fresh perspectives
stagnant systems
progressive and inclusive policies
political acumen
ineffective governance
demographic
long-term planning
authoritative presence
manipulation
seasoned politicians
adaptable
open-minded
flexibility in problem-solving

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Some argue younger people are not suitable for important positions in the government, while others think this is a good idea. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people prefer to take a gap year between high school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

The government’s investment in arts, music and theater is a waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

With the increasing use and development of new technology, many machines are now able to do the work which people used to perform. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

1. People say that it is a waste of time for high school students to learn literature at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?