IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

#improvements #today’s #health #care #society #people #numbers
The maps illustrate some proposed changes to the layout of a
university’s
Suggestion
university
 sport centre. It is clear that the sports centre will be expanded in size. The leisure pool will be built
next
 to the changing room. And
two
 extra changing rooms will be constructed on both sides of the
bottom
 corners.
Additionally
, the sports shop and the café will be added
next
 to the changing rooms on the west
side
 and east
side
 respectively. It is the interesting point that
two
 dance studios will be opened up on the east
side
 of the centre.
Also
, the sports hall will be erected beside the seating.
Finally
, the gym will be enlarged in size. While, the 25m pool and seating and change room
next
 to the 25m pool will remain unchanged. The maps illustrate some changes that have taken place in a public
park
 since 1920. Overall, the fountain has been changed to the
rose
garden
 and many seats have been constructed around the
rose
garden
. And the stage for musicians has been replaced with the amphitheatre for concerts to accept more people. Looking at the changes more detail, the
rose
garden
next
 to the entrance
in
Suggestion
on
 Arnold Avenue has been diverted into the café and the pond for water plants in the top right-hand corner of a public
park
 has been made
into
Suggestion
in
 the children’s play area.
Finally
, the glasshouse in the
bottom
 has been changed to the water feature and the entrance underground
car
park
 has been built in the
bottom
 right-hand corner.
Also
, the
rose
garden
in
Suggestion
at
 the left
bottom
 was demolished. While
two
 entrances remain unchanged. The
two
 maps illustrate some changes that were made in a City Hospital between the years 2007 and 2010. From the overall perspective, it is noticeable that there are three main changes to access
of
Suggestion
to
 hospital. These involved a new bus station, new roundabouts and new parking. Looking at the changes in more detail, in 2007 there was a bus stop on the east
side
 of out of City Hospital.
However
, we see a new bus station located on the west
side
 of Hospital Road.
Furthermore in
Accept comma addition
Furthermore, in
 2010 three roundabouts were constructed on both
side
Suggestion
sides
 of Hospital Road and near the public
car
park
. Indeed, a
car
park
 for staff and public in 2007 was changed into a
car
park
 for only staff.
However
, by 2010 the public
car
park
 had built on the east
side
 of Ring Road to provide parking space for members of the public.
Submitted by bjsean on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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