IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some students decide early in life to pursue vocational careers that involve cooking or baking. For them, it is better to study their chosen occupations in high school rather than regular subjects. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#students #life #careers #study #occupations #school #subjects
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, there are a lot of different jobs, and plenty of them requires special skills
such
 as cooking or baking. Some people believe that those who
persue
carry out or participate in an activity; be involved in
pursue
peruse
such
 occupations should be taught their desired jobs in high
school
, while others think regular subjects is a better solution for them. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both perspectives and give you my own opinion. The importance of studying the careers, especially those involve diligence, is undeniable. With consistent learning and practicing, the students' skills will be enhanced.
For example
, a baker must be trained on how to make different types of cake like bread, pretzels,
donuts
a toroidal shape
doughnuts
, etc. As time flies, he can develop his ability to mix the ingredients,
to
Suggestion
until
dough
Suggestion
the dough
, to bake.
Then
, he becomes better.
On the other hand
, it is necessary for everybody to have general knowledge, so regular subjects, namely Mathematics, History, etc.
are
Suggestion
Are
 compulsory in high
school
. Without Mathematics, a person is
uncapable
(followed by 'of') lacking capacity or ability
incapable
 of doing simple calculations. The subject of Literature nurtures
philanthopy
voluntary promotion of human welfare
philanthropy
 and humanity, and History shows us how hard we have fought to have a life like we are having today. Each subject has its own crucial role in the development of a high
school
students
Suggestion
student
. In conclusion, though specialized training is necessary, it is better for every pupil to get access to different aspects of knowledge.
That is
 the reason why I advocate to continue teaching regular subjects in high
school
.
Submitted by Nguyễn Hoàng Anh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: