IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The clothing and fashion industry have a big influence on people. Is this a good or bad thing?

#fashion #industry #influence #people
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There is no denying the fact that the clothing and
fashion
 industry dictate the way we
dress
 ourselves. Youngsters,
in particular
, are easily influenced by the latest
fashion
 trends. Now
fashion
 shows are being organized even in smaller towns and children as young as three years want to wear the latest model
clothes
. All of these are signs of the growing influence of
fashion
Correct article usage
the fashion
show examples
 industry. Unfortunately,
this
 trend has both positive and negative aspects.
Fashion
 helps
people
dress
 well. Fashionable
clothes
 make us more presentable. When
people
dress
 fashionably they feel good about themselves.
This
 boosts their level of confidence and makes them perform well in the workplace. It is now a known fact that
people
 who
dress
 and look well have better chances of getting a job. Even if a person is not blessed with naturally good looks, they can make themselves more presentable by dressing well.
That is
 where
fashion
 helps. On the flip side,
fashion
 can blind
people
.
Fashion
 trends are often launched by films and rich
people
. What celebrities wear on and off screen soon
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 a craze
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the general public. In a bid to become the most fashionable among their peers, youngsters often spend insane amounts of money on
clothes
 and other accessories.
This
 could make their poorer friends and colleagues feel inferior. What’s more, fashionable
clothes
 are not always the best.
Fashion
 trends that originate in the US or Europe may not suit the climate or the culture of Asian countries.
This
 often leads to a conflict of interest. In conclusion,
clothing
Correct article usage
the clothing
show examples
 and
fashion
 industry have a big influence on
people
.
However
,
this
 trend has both advantages and disadvantages.
Fashion
 is good as long as it helps
people
 feel good about themselves. When it becomes an obsession it does more harm than good.
Submitted by varun arora on

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task response
The essay provides a clear analysis of the positive and negative impacts of the clothing and fashion industry on people. It addresses both aspects of the topic effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, framing the discussion on the influence of the fashion industry. The main points are supported with relevant examples throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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