IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The clothing and fashion industry have a big influence on people. Is this a good or bad thing?

#fashion #industry #influence #people
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There is no denying the fact that the clothing and
fashion
Use synonyms
 industry dictate the way we
dress
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 ourselves. Youngsters,
in particular
Linking Words
, are easily influenced by the latest
fashion
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 trends. Now
fashion
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 shows are being organized even in smaller towns and children as young as three years want to wear the latest model
clothes
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. All of these are signs of the growing influence of
Use synonyms
fashion
Correct article usage
the fashion
show examples
 industry. Unfortunately,
this
Linking Words
 trend has both positive and negative aspects.
Fashion
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 helps
people
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dress
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 well. Fashionable
clothes
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 make us more presentable. When
people
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dress
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 fashionably they feel good about themselves.
This
Linking Words
 boosts their level of confidence and makes them perform well in the workplace. It is now a known fact that
people
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 who
dress
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 and look well have better chances of getting a job. Even if a person is not blessed with naturally good looks, they can make themselves more presentable by dressing well.
That is
Linking Words
 where
fashion
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 helps. On the flip side,
fashion
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 can blind
people
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.
Fashion
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 trends are often launched by films and rich
people
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. What celebrities wear on and off screen soon
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 a craze
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the general public. In a bid to become the most fashionable among their peers, youngsters often spend insane amounts of money on
clothes
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 and other accessories.
This
Linking Words
 could make their poorer friends and colleagues feel inferior. What’s more, fashionable
clothes
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 are not always the best.
Fashion
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 trends that originate in the US or Europe may not suit the climate or the culture of Asian countries.
This
Linking Words
 often leads to a conflict of interest. In conclusion,
clothing
Correct article usage
the clothing
show examples
 and
fashion
Use synonyms
 industry have a big influence on
people
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.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 trend has both advantages and disadvantages.
Fashion
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 is good as long as it helps
people
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 feel good about themselves. When it becomes an obsession it does more harm than good.
Submitted by varun arora on

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task response
The essay provides a clear analysis of the positive and negative impacts of the clothing and fashion industry on people. It addresses both aspects of the topic effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, framing the discussion on the influence of the fashion industry. The main points are supported with relevant examples throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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