IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

“Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.”

#“some #people #boys #girls #schools #benefit
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People have different views on the education of students of different genders.,
Wwhile
a period of indeterminate length (usually short) marked by some action or condition
while
 one side
believes
Suggestion
Believes
 that a divided school would be better for
both
Use synonyms
sex
Suggestion
sexes
, others think there are more advantages of mixed schools. In my opinion, I consider that mixed schools helps students to improve their soft skills and be better prepared for a real life. On the one hand, some people think that in separate
schools
Suggestion
school
 students would be able to focus on the
education
Suggestion
Education
 more than in mixed.
That is
Linking Words
 to say
,
Suggestion
, both boys
both
Use synonyms
 of boys and girls would be able to concentrate on their specific subjects.
For instance
Linking Words
, girls would
learncooking
Suggestion
learn cooking
 and sewing, while boys learn a computer science.
As a result
Linking Words
, their marks would increase.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in mixed
schools
Suggestion
school's
school
 male and female students would not interrupt each other's studies. As a
consequences
Suggestion
consequence
,
both
Use synonyms
 genders will focus on their studies and achieve higher scores.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is often believed that mixed schools are better for
both
Use synonyms
 boys and girls' future
and
Suggestion
And
 school life and I agree.
This
Linking Words
 is because in mixed schools after the
graduation
Suggestion
graduating
 female and male students
are better prepared
Suggestion
better prepare
 for their lives after a school. Well-prepared means that when they employs to a work, they would be able to cooperate with
both
Use synonyms
 sexes, while for students who studied in separate schools it would be difficult.
Moreover
Linking Words
, students from combined schools have better developed communication skills
(
Accept space
(
or soft skills), which would help them in their future jobs
,
Accept space
,
because they communicate with
both
Use synonyms
 male and female students. In conclusion, while people have various thoughts about schools, I think that children who study in
mixed
consisting of a haphazard assortment of different kinds
Mixed
 schools
stand
Suggestion
will stand
 a better chance in the future, due to fact that they have high improved soft skills and preparation for the
next
Linking Words
 life.
Submitted by aisha Rom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: