Because of the negative effects on health of an inactive lifestyle, all university students and school children should be forced to do sports activities at least 3 times per week. Do you agree or disagree?

#effects #health #lifestyle #university #students #school #children #sports #activities #times #week

People today, lead sedentary lives,

due to

their addiction to technology and long work hours, which has adverse health effects.

This

has

lead

Wrong verb form

led

show examples

to the thought that

Remove the comma

apply

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students should be made to participate in outdoor

activities

at least thrice a week, by educational institutions. I am in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

favour of

this

idea, as physical exercise is important for the physical

as well as

mental

well being

Add a hyphen

well-being

show examples

of the pupils.

This

essay will augment my opinion.

Firstly

, most of the children and collegians, engage themselves in passive

activities

such

as watching

Correct your spelling

show examples

or playing video games during their spare time, which has

lead

Wrong verb form

led

show examples

to the rise of obesity and related disorders.

Hence

, mandatory participation in games and other exercises at schools and colleges

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apply

show examples

can provide their bodies, with

appropriate

Correct article usage

the appropriate

show examples

fitness regime needed to maintain

healthy

Correct article usage

a healthy

show examples

body weight and a strong immune system.

Additionally

, numerous studies have shown that a person who trains thrice a week is less likely to develop any underlying conditions

such

as diabetes or blood pressure, and different sports provide various benefits to the human body. To cite an example, football increases blood circulation,

while

cricket and badminton reduce the risk of developing cardiovascular diseases. So, it can be said that forcing the young ones to partake in healthful

activities

, is indeed essential.

Secondly

, students today, are overly pressurised by the academic burden and

therefore

suffer from several mental illnesses like anxiety and depression. So, compelling them to perform athletic tasks, can give them a break from their studies and provide a way to channel the negative thoughts out. To illustrate

this

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apply

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recent research has concluded that, engaging in outdoor games and events, can help their minds relax and rejuvenate, which in turn can improve their study performance,

thus

decreasing the probability of suffering from

stress induced

Add a hyphen

stress-induced

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disorders.

To conclude

, wellness, sports and

activities

are prominent to maintain a good body. In my opinion,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

sporting sessions should be mandated around the world, in order to keep tomorrow's adults fit and to assist them in picking up a healthy lifestyle.

Submitted by vishwashah6116 on Tue Jun 23 2020

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task response

Ensure that your ideas and arguments directly address the essay prompt. Make sure your points are relevant to the topic and support your stance clearly.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a clear and logical structure, with well-connected ideas throughout. To further enhance coherence, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.

lexical resource

Your vocabulary is varied and mostly appropriate for the task. To further improve, consider using more specific and sophisticated vocabulary related to the topic of physical activity, health, and well-being.

grammatical range

Your grammar is generally accurate, but there are a few instances of awkward or unclear phrasing. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, sentence structure, and the use of articles to enhance clarity and fluency.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

343 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Sedentary lifestyle
Mandatory
Physical activity
Mental well-being
Cardiovascular health
Peer interaction
Motivation
Extracurricular activities
Health curriculum
Fitness culture
Academic performance
Compulsory participation
Incentivizing
Physical education
Overall well-being

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Because of the negative effects on health of an inactive lifestyle, all university students and school children should be forced to do sports activities at least 3 times per week. Do you agree or disagree?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore,sport lessons must be compulsory in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effect on your children. Do you agree or disagree with it? Give some reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Stress is now a major problem in many countries around the word. what are the causes of it? and what solution do you offer?

In advertising nowadays, businesses usually highlight and emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why do businesses practice this? Do you think this development is a positive practice or a negative one?