A local school is requesting ideas for renovations. Write to them and include Problems they have now Suggestions to change How they could make these changes

#school #renovations #suggestions #change #changes

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Dear Sir,

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areWe

wereWe

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so glad to know that the school is going through renovation. Earlier,

also

I wanted to raise certain concerns regarding school infrastructure, from the kid's perspective

Remove the comma

apply

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but did not get a chance. But

finally

, the management has decided to take

this

initiative and I am so thrilled to put forward my suggestions. There are certain problems which as following.

Firstly

, the location of the institution is not good. The road on which the school is located is not safe and there are so many holes. So many accidents have taken place in the past.

Secondly

, there are very limited books in the library, due

which

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to which

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maximum students lack study material relevant to their subjects.

For example

, sometimes certain topics are explained better by other authors rather than the recommended in the syllabus.

Thirdly

, sports ground is not up to the mark because of which children indulge

less

Change the quantifier

fewer

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sports activities. Sports is quite significant to a certain extent, in

student's

Fix the agreement mistake

students'

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overall development. Fourthly, they aren't any sitting arrangement in the cafeteria, Mostly, either they have to eat while standing or need to sit ground, which is quite inconvenient. But these things issues can be resolved by Yours faithfully, Shreya

Submitted by shreya1990s on Tue Jun 23 2020

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

6 paragraphs

201 words

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A local school is requesting ideas for renovations. Write to them and include Problems they have now Suggestions to change How they could make these changes

Some people think that public health of a country can be improved if the government make laws regarding nutritious food but others think that it is the matter of personal choice and personal responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

- [x] Obesity in children is a serious problem in a number of countries. What are the causes of obesity in children? Discuss the possible alarming effects of this problem in the future.

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

in many countries, the level of crimes is increasing and crimes are becoming more violent. what are the main causes? how can we deal with it?

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.